Waiting on the beer and an upset

Is there a better time of year than the fall?
The leaves on the trees outside the Grill Room's swinging, double-doors are turning all shades of red and gold. The endless baseball season is rumored to be close to an end, and, no kidding, we even saw frost on the pumpkin this morning!

Best of all we are stuck right in the middle of another wonderful football season, and don't care if we ever get out. It just smells like football doesn't it?!

So, as we wait for the Pfungstadter Bier truck to deliver their liquid gold, and ready the joint for another busy weekend of America's game here in Germany, we'll throw a couple of appetizers at you to munch on...

Zorn on the Cob, alla Vinny
Things just got worse for Jim Zorn in Washington. On Friday, the Redskins coach was given the dreaded vote of confidence by one Vinny Cerrato, the guy with the name that sounds a lot more like a Sopranos' character than that of a dude with the gaudy title, vice president of football operations.

Cerrato, who has deftly avoided the media during his team's meltdown, instead used his very own radio program to assure everybody that Zorn was not getting whacked.

"Jim Zorn is the head of the Washington Redskins," Cerrato said with his fingers apparently crossed tight behind his back. "...and will be for the rest of the season, and hopefully into the future."

Hahahaha. You're laughing, too, right?

Let's face it, the odds are somewhere in the 1,000-to-1 range that Zorn will be back next year, and slightly less than that he survives the season. I mean, why even say this stuff?

Cerrato kept those fingers squeezed behind his back, when he said that the team covertly brought in NFL relic, Sherm Lewis, to relieve Zorn of his play-calling duties because he was only trying to 'help' Zorn.

Right, Vinny, and that knife in Zorn's back was stuck in there to help with his posture.

In true Washington fashion, Cerrato also went after the media during his radio program, saying that it had reported 'false rumors,' all the while declining to speak to those very reporters that planted the 'false rumors' after practice. Beautiful, eh?

Well, here's another false rumor, Vinny: Zorn will be on the sideline when the team plays its last game this year at San Diego.

As we've said many times in the Grill Room, our corrupt nation's capital finally has the team it deserves. Well done.

Bourbon Blues
Staying with the Soprano's theme...Make that the Sparano's theme...
Is there a more intriguing game on the schedule this weekend than New Orleans at Miami?

After an 0-3 start, Tony Sparano's Dolphins and their rising quarterback Chad Henne, rebounded to save their season by beating the Bills and the Jets.
Of course the Saints, ranked No. 1 in the NFL 100-Proof Rankings, have rolled to a 6-0 start on the heels of an improved defense and the best quarterback in the league not named Peyton, Drew Brees.

On Sunday, turn about could be fair play, because like the Saints before they bludgeoned the Giants last week, the Dolphins are coming off a bye, and have had two weeks to get healthy and prepare for New Orleans' potent attack.

You also have to believe that the 'Fins added a wrinkle or two to their Wildcat attack. It would come as no surprise to see backup QB Pat White throwing out of that formation Sunday.
We have to admit that ever since we were called out by GR regular Sam the Man for blasting the Wildcat a few weeks ago, we have kept two eyes on the Dolphins, and are coming around to this unconventional method of attacking defenses.

Even though New Orleans enters the game ranked fifth against the rush in the NFL and seem a good bet to douse the Wildcat, we say that stat is more than a little misleading.
Because the Saints have led virtually every game they've played this year, teams have been forced to throw the ball an inordinate amount of the time to get back in the game.

The Giants had some success on the ground last week, but were unable to stay there because of their defense's inept performance.

We have a funny feeling around here that Miami is going to run wild with a new scheme, and hand the befuddled Saints their first loss of the year.

Prost!

Jersey Jeff Fisher

Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher is a favorite around the Grill Room, but what in the hell was he thinking (or drinking) the other night when he showed up at a fundraiser wearing a Peyton Manning jersey?!

And don't bring that sports-fans-are-maniacal-and-need-to-lighten-up-a-little crap around here, to excuse the coach's bizarre behavior.
Yeah, sports fans are often completely and ridiculously over the top, but whether that's right or wrong has nothing to do with it. They just are and always have been. It's best we accept this as fact and move on.

Without these maniacal fans, sports as we know them, would dry up and go away. It's that simple.

So if I am a Titans fan, and I have lost hard-earned cash, and hair supporting this football team, I deserve better return on my money and loyalty than to see the guy who is coaching my team wearing a rival's jersey.

Tennessee is frickin' 0-6 this year, just lost, 59-0, and the guy who's job it is too pull them out of this mess, is yucking it up and making jokes at his team's expense?!

As the longest-tenured coach with one team in the NFL, and generally a stand-up guy, Fisher has earned a pass for this indiscretion, but he better know he's treading on very thin ice here, or the joke just might ultimately be on him.

And while you're chewing on that one, there are few other questions that are gnawing at us, starting with the never-ending nonsense in our nation's capital...

Even in a corrupt, sleazy city like Washington, don't you marvel at just how bad things are going for its football team?
Here's why we're asking:
Because the classy Steve Largent is the latest to weigh in on the dysfunction that passes for a football team in D.C.
The Hall-of-Fame receiver, was throwing lightning bolts at Redskins owner Dan Snyder during a radio interview earlier this week in Seattle.

Largent who used to catch passes thrown by Jim Zorn, the poor guy who is coaching the 'Skins, said, among many other things, "...in my opinion, and this is just totally my opinion -- Jim has never said this, never implied this -- I think what Daniel Snyder was trying to do (when he relieved Zorn of his play-calling duties) was to force Jim to resign so he was not liable for his contract any longer. And Jim is just not going to do that."

And Largent went on...

"[Zorn] inherited everything that he has to work with today and yet all the blame is being laid on his feet because he can't make them a Super Bowl champion, which I could have told you two years ago, they don't have a Super Bowl-quality team," Largent told KJR radio. "And so it doesn't matter how good a coach you have, you are not going to get there with the players the owner gives you.

"I know it's frustrating for Jim. He is making the best of it."

And on...

"I don't know what a Dan Snyder coach looks like and I don't think Dan Snyder knows what a Dan Snyder coach looks like, and that is fairly obvious now as he has been through about six head coaches in 10 years."

Largent's harsh assessment of the Redskins follows last week's roasting of the team by former players. Except the outspoken Redskins' retirees seemed more interested in putting most of the blame at Zorn's feet rather than at the owner's, who in some cases signs their paychecks.
They're all class in D.C., I tell ya.

Will ESPN see the forest through the trees when it televises Monday night's tilt between those hapless Redskins and the Eagles?
Here's why we're asking:
Because, bluntly, too often the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, is all about the entertainment, at the expense of the programming, and viewers' intelligence.

Let's hope they don't play patty-cake with Snyder and his gang, or worse, ignore the whole sad affair altogether, and instead use their bright light to expose this sad circus, rather than play a part in it.

Is the Southeastern Conference looking down the barrel of a major scandal?
Here's why we're asking:
Because the news that the Southeastern Conference has suspended the officials who worked (over) last weekend's Arkansas-Florida game has the potential to become a full-blown tsunami.

Nothing, not even the average fan's waistline, is bigger in the South than college football. If there is even a hint that refs could be affecting the outcome of games with their whistles in order to fatten their wallets, it could get very ugly.

This is the second time this officiating crew made an awful call that directly impacted the outcome of a game. They also threw a flag in the Georgia-LSU game that set LSU up with great field position following a late TD by the Bulldogs.

The same kind of questionable call helped Florida to its win over the underdog Hogs last Saturday. In fact, the argument could be made the officials were inordinately leaning the Gators' way the entire day.

To be clear, we have no knowledge there has been any provable evidence, other than the shoddy officiating, that the fix was in on these games. However...If the SEC says they aren't looking into that possibility, they are completely full of it. They better be, because something smells around here.

Take your pick

For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 7 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:
ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
CNN/SI
NBC
SportingNews
AP

College:

SportingNews
CBS Sports
NBC

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Philadelphia over Washington, minus-6.5:
Well, we're not sure what to say. We've made a mess of things the last two weeks, and now you are wondering why you even frequent this joint.
We figure the only folks more embarrassed than the staff at the Grill Room, are the Philadelphia Eagles, who somehow found a way to lose at Oakland last Sunday.
Well, we figure the best way to start feeling good about ourselves again, is to bet on Philly feeling good about itself again after a rock 'em, sock 'em trip to the nation's capital.
The Eagles soar, 34-10.

(Season record: 3-3)

Tape it up

To get the latest on all the aches and breaks around the NFL go here.

TV Time
If you can't stop by the Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:

Friday, Oct. 23
Rutgers at Army, 8 p.m., ESPN2

Saturday, Oct. 24
Minnesota at Ohio State, Noon, ESPN
Illinois at Purdue, Noon, ESPN2
Georgia Tech at Virginia, ACC
Indiana at Northwestern, Noon, Big Ten Network
Connecticut at West Virginia, Noon, ESPNU
S. Florida at Pittsburgh, ESPN-GP
Oklahoma State at Baylor, 12:30 p.m., Versus
Iowa State at Nebraska, 12:30 p.m., FSN
Tennessee at Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Boston College at Notre Dame, 3:30 p.m., NBC
Michigan at Penn State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Clemson at Miami, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Oregon at Washington, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Oklahoma at Kansas, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Louisville at Cincinnati, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Wake Forest at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Air Force at Utah, 4 p.m., Versus
San Diego State at Colorado State, 4 p.m., Mtn.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Iowa at Michigan State, 7 p.m., Big Ten Network
Florida at Mississippi State, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
Auburn at LSU, 7:30 p.m., ESPN2
TCU at BYU, 7:30 p.m., Versus
SMU at Houston, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Texas at Missouri, 8 p.m., ABC
Oregon State at USC, 8 p.m., ABC
UNLV at New Mexico, 8 p.m., Mtn.
Arizona State at Stanford, 10:15 p.m., FSN
Fresno State at New Mexico State, 10:15 p.m., ESPNU

NFL:
Sunday, Oct. 25
(Byes: Baltimore Denver Detroit Jacksonville Seattle Tennessee)
Chicago at Cincinnati 1 p.m., FOX
Green Bay at Cleveland 1 p.m., FOX
San Francisco at Houston 1 p.m., FOX
San Diego at Kansas City 1 p.m., CBS
Minnesota at Pittsburgh 1 p.m., FOX
Indianapolis at St. Louis 1 p.m., CBS
New England vs. Tampa Bay at London 1 p.m., CBS
Buffalo at Carolina 4:05 p.m., CBS
N.Y. Jets at Oakland 4:05 p.m., CBS
Atlanta at Dallas 4:15 p.m., FOX
New Orleans at Miami 4:15 p.m., FOX
Arizona at N.Y. Giants 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Oct. 26
Philadelphia at Washington 8:30 p.m., ESPN
(All times EST)

Bill's No. 1 on the, er, list

Truth and attitude. We've been pouring both around here since we opened the Grill Room one month ago. And thanks for your patronage.

So here's today's truth: After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can tell you that when a columnist throws a list at an editor, said columnist has found absolutely nothing interesting to groan about. Or...more likely, said columnist spent too much time in a watering hole like the GR the night before, and is having trouble processing all forms of thought.

That in mind, today you are getting a list...

(Truth, Part II: One of the dirty little secrets in the business is that lists, especially thought-provoking ones, are extraordinarily reader-friendly and therefore popular. Columnists are never, ever told this.)

Today's Attitude: Ranking the NFL Coaches
(First-year coaches were spared...)

• 1. Bill Belichick, New England: Bill Parcells never won a Super Bowl without Belichick on staff. Belichick (pictured) has won three without Parcells. Maybe the greatest defensive strategist ever.
• 2. Tom Coughlin, N.Y. Giants: You want him on that wall. You need him on that wall. Nothing gets past the ultra-prepared Coughlin.
• 3. Andy Reid, Philadelphia: Reid's greatest attribute is that his teams play hard for him no matter what. Sometimes he falls in love with the pass a little too much, though.
• 4. Jeff Fisher, Tennessee: The NFL's longest-tenured coach with one team. Like Reid, his players give him all they got. Special teams this year, however, have been a disaster.
• 5. Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh: There's a theme here... His players will run through a wall for the guy. He won the Super Bowl last year by finally learning it is OK to loosen up the offense from time to time.
• 6. John Harbaugh, Baltimore: This guy might be one of the all-time greats when his final bio is written. Took a lot of guts for a rookie coach to toss the keys to a rookie QB like Harbaugh did last year.
• 7. Mike Smith, Atlanta: See above. Like Harbaugh, Smith gave the ball to a rookie QB last year, and a franchise that had gone to the dogs (sorry, Mike), was back in the hunt.
• 8. Lovie Smith, Chicago: After a 5-11 start with the Bears, has rolled up a nifty 42-25 record. Tends to be a little conservative. Be interesting to study how he deals with pretentious, but talented QB Cutler this year.
• 9. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay: Did a heckuva job dealing with the on-again, off-again Favre crap, er, flap. That could have brought many coaches down. Tends to lose too many close games, though.
• 10. Sean Payton, New Orleans: Payton gets high points for burning the coaching bible and often scripting unconventional approaches to otherwise conventional situations. This dude will go for it from anywhere on the field on fourth down.
• 11. Brad Childress, Minnesota: Won six games his first year with the Vikes, eight the second, 10 the third, and is off to a 3-0 start this year. That, sports fans, is a positive trend.
• 12. John Fox, Carolina: His loyalty to older, more established players might be starting to hurt him. But this guy was 63-49 heading into the year with the Panthers. Rumors are heavy he's gone after this year. If so, he'll land somewhere else -- and win.
• 13. Ken Whisenhunt, Arizona: Has a brilliant four-game run to the Super Bowl last year to light up his resume. This year, though, we'll find out how good he really is dealing with that success.
• 14. Mike Singletary, San Francisco: Hard to believe there were so many doubters when the guy was finally given the head job. Is he wicked intense? Yep. But he seems to be learning how to blink every now and then.
• 15. Tony Sparano, Miami: Has to get huge credit, along with Big Brother Parcells for turning around a floundering Dolphin team last year. But bench Ted Ginn already.
• 16. Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville: Mr. Conservative would have been in the Top-10 two years ago. Could just be a case of being in one place too long. Really needs to get some Payton in 'em, though.
• 17. Jim Mora, Seattle: Showing a flare for kicking players in public -- just like daddy.
• 18. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati: Lewis has his detractors, but fact is he is 48-50 with a franchise that's been perpetually laughable over the years. Have to think anything less than nine wins gets him run this year, though. Even the Bengals have only so much patience for the mediocre.
• 19. Gary Kubiak, Houston: Kubiak better win this year, or he's done.
• 20. Norv Turner, San Diego: Probably the luckiest man in America besides whoever is on Jennifer Aniston's arm. A loser everywhere, he then goes to a San Diego team loaded with talent -- and is managing to muck that up too.
• 21. Tom Cable, Oakland: Honestly, who could possibly know how good or bad this guy is given his owner. Has to be better than what's below him, though.
• 22. Dick Jauron, Buffalo: Has had ONE winning season in nine years as a head coach. Seriously, what keeps this guy employed?
• 23. Jim Zorn, Washington: Like Cable, the poor guy has to work for an egotistical maniac, who threw him into some deep water without a life preserver. He probably should have admitted he couldn't swim.
  
• 24. Wade Phillips, Dallas: Here's the other theme -- maniac owners. Phillips simply can't win a big game, but Jerry keeps him around because he's well-behaved, and doesn't hog the mirror.
• 25. Eric Mangini, Cleveland: Might be the worst coaching hire any franchise has ever made. What in the world did the Cleveland hierarchy see in this guy that they just HAD to have him?!

(...but not completely spared)

Ranking the rookies:

• 1. Rex Ryan, N.Y. Jets: Buddy's boy is winning and making enemies everywhere. Sound familiar?
  
• 2. Jim Schwartz, Detroit: The guy won a game for Detroit. 'Nuff said.
  
• 3. Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis: So far, so good for this easy-goer.
• 4. Josh McDaniels, Denver: Ran the childish Cutler and is still 3-0.
• 5. Steve Spagnulo, St. Louis: Patience will be tested in talent-void St. Louis.
  
• 6. Raheem Morris, Tampa Bay: Not sure what the Bucs saw in this youngster.
  
• 7. Todd Haley, Kansas City: The gentle K.C. press is already burying this guy.

(Daily Mail (UK), photo)

Does Michigan really deserve this?

Week 3 of the NFL season will kick off in less than 48 hours and we figure it's about time we got some answers in the Grill Room.

Answers to what? That's another question, sluggo. I said we're looking for answers around here.

Answers to stuff like...
Why does God hate Michigan?
Here's why we're asking: Because isn't it bad enough that Kid Rock calls the place home? What, a 15.6 percent unemployment rate isn't high enough that these poor people also have to watch their football team go on strike each Sunday?! If the Lions don't win at home against the impotent Redskins this weekend, they will become only the second team in NFL history to have lost at least 20 straight games. Then they'll have nothing between them and the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Yucks, who fumbled their way to a record 26 losses in a row. Good Michiganders all over the state will be dropping to their knees Sunday praying for one stinking win. And, if God forbid, they come up short yet again, they can least give thanks that many of them weren't forced to watch it.

Like...
Are Buddy boys' Jets for real?
Here's why we're asking: Because after watching 'em whack Tom Terrific's Patsies around Giants Stadium last week, the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets are almost deserving of a Stadium that bears their own name. A desperate Titans' squad will be throwing hay-makers when it shows up at the home of the Giants to play the Jets Sunday. If the Jets win this brawl, they get to call it Jiants Stadium for a week.

Like...
Will Jerry's 'Boys make the most of their do-over against Carolina Monday night?
Here's why we're asking: Because after dropping enough money to take the Michigan unemployment rate down by about 10 percent, the Cowboy owner stuck his rootin'-tootin' finger in his nose and looked on Sunday night as the hated Giants crashed his celebration for himself. Oh, yeah, and his team also lost the first game ever in their new palace. Jerry gets another chance for a Texas-size pat on the back Monday night when his pards take on the struggling Panthers. Note to Jerry: Bring Kleenex this time.

But enough with the questions.
Here's what else is on the Football Friday Menu in the Grill Room:

Take your pick
For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 3 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:

ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
CNN/SI
NBC
SportingNews

College:
SportingNews
CBS Sports
NBC

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Philadelphia over Kansas City minus-9.5
Who says anger isn't a great motivator? Well, we're angry as hell in the Grill Room and we're not going to take anymore.

We are completely fried about steering you toward the slop that passes for a football team in Washington last week. The No. 20 Deadskins crawled to nine frickin' points against the visiting No. 29 Rams. Nine! Congress gets more done than Jim Zorn's offense for crying out loud!

So we're sorry about that one, folks. And angry -- but not as angry as the No. 9 Eagles will be when they take the field at the Stink Sunday against No. 27 Kansas City.

The Iggles once-proud defense was absolutely shredded by The Saints "Most Offensive Show on Earth" last week, giving up 48 points! To put that in perspective, consider that you have to go all the way back to 1962, or before the owner of the Grill Room even had his first drink, for a poorer effort. And at least that squad gave up 49 to Vince Lombardi's vaunted Packers that day.

Lombardi's Packers-Sean Peyton's Saints equals Jumbo-shrimp.

It was that bad against the Saints...So it's a pretty good bet Kansas City is going to run into an angry flock of Eagles this week -- Donovan McNabb or no Donovan McNabb.
Sidebar: Michael Vick is expected to make his debut Sunday. Look for him in loads of cleanup action after the birds use anger as a tool to wallop the Chiefs.
Lay the points.

(Season record: 1-1)

Tape it up
Beware the injury, and there are plenty of 'em around the NFL as you'll see here.

The No. 1 Giants suffered a significant blow when they learned starting safety Kenny Phillips is done for the year with a knee injury. Phillips, an emerging star, picked off Tony Romo twice in the Giants' 33-31 victory over the 'Boys Sunday night.

TV Time
If you can't stop by the Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:

Friday, Sept. 25
Missouri at Nevada, 9 p.m., ESPN

Saturday, Sept. 26
Michigan State at Wisconsin, Noon, ESPN
LSU at Mississippi State, SEC Network
Indiana at Michigan, Noon, ESPN2
Minnesota at Northwestern, Noon, Big Ten Network
Southern Miss at Kansas, Noon, FSN
South Florida at Florida State, Noon, ESPNU
Cornell at Yale, Noon, Versus
North Carolina at Georgia Tech, Noon, Raycom
San Diego State at Air Force, 2 p.m., Mtn.
Miami at Virginia Tech, 3:30 p.m., ABC
California at Oregon, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Illinois at Ohio State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Arkansas at Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS
UTEP at Texas, 3:30 p.m., FSN
Pittsburgh at North Carolina State, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Western Kentucky at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Florida at Kentucky, 6 p.m., ESPN2
Colorado State at BYU, 6 p.m., Mtn.
Arizona State at Georgia, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Arizona at Oregon State, 7:30 p.m., Versus
Louisville at Utah, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Iowa at Penn State, 8 p.m., ABC
Notre Dame at Purdue, 8 p.m., ESPN
Texas Tech at Houston, 9:15 p.m., ESPN2
New Mexico State at New Mexico, 10 p.m., Mtn.
Washington State at USC, 10:15 p.m. FSN

NFL:

Sunday, Sept. 27
Cleveland at Baltimore 1 p.m., CBS
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati 1 p.m., CBS
Washington at Detroit 1 p.m., FOX
Jacksonville at Houston 1 p.m., CBS
San Francisco at Minnesota 1 p.m., FOX
Atlanta at New England 1 p.m., FOX
Kansas City at Philadelphia 1 p.m., CBS
Green Bay at St. Louis 1 p.m., FOX
N.Y. Giants at Tampa Bay 1 p.m., FOX
Tennessee at N.Y. Jets 1 p.m., CBS
New Orleans at Buffalo 4:05 p.m., FOX
Chicago at Seattle 4:05 p.m., FOX
Denver at Oakland 4:15 p.m., CBS (jip)
Miami at San Diego 4:15 p.m., CBS
Indianapolis at Arizona 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Sept. 28
Carolina at Dallas 8:30 p.m., ESPN
(All times EST)

Eli says "I'm finished!" after crashing Jones' party

Conventional thinking got thrown for a loss around the NFL on Sunday when five of the top six teams in the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS went down in flames.

No matter, all that's true and blue about America still stands today after the N.Y. Football Giants went deep in the heart of Texas to christen Jerry Jones' billion-dollar death star by presenting him his fat head on a silver platter.

Giants' quarterback Eli Manning (330 yds, 2 TDs) got revenge against greedy oilmen for Eli's everywhere when he engineered a last-minute drive that resulted in Lawrence Tynes' game-winning, 37-yard FG as the clock expired.

After their 33-31 victory, the No. 3 Giants' were the only top team to survive an unpredictable day around the NFL.

With so much to chew on, we once again offer up platters of bountiful opinion from sports writers and columnists in every NFL city.

If you want baloney and cheese, turn on ESPN and skedaddle. But if you're brave enough to read the writing on the wall, pull up a chair and dig in, while we crack open the morning paper.

In the Grill Room, we still love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

TODAY'S MENU:

(3) N.Y. Giants 33
(9) Dallas 31

• Even Jones' billions can't buy a team that shoots straight...
• ...and the owner probably should choose his guests more wisely.
  

(16) N.Y. Jets 16
(4) New England 9

• Last week the Jets did the talking. On Sunday they did the walking -- all over the Patsies.
• The Patriots are what they are: in trouble.
  

(10) Atlanta 28
(25) Carolina 20

• The high-flying Falcons still have everything to prove -- to themselves.
• Panthers now counting consolation prizes, not wins.
  

(23) Cincinnati 31
(12) Green Bay 24

• Cincinnati took off the kid gloves Sunday, and played like a bunch of grown-ups.
• Maybe the Packers should push the panic button...if they can find it.

(26) Houston 34
(6) Tennessee 31

• A Texas-sized question: Who are these guys, anyway?
• Titans players bump into each other while trying escape that dark cloud.

(8) Minnesota 27
(32) Detroit 13

• Favre only too happy to hand the ball and spotlight to Peterson.
• Rookie Stafford only too happy to throw the ball to the opponent.

(18) Arizona 31
(20) Jacksonville 17

• The Cardinals felt the heat and frolicked in the Sunshine State.
• Local fans can be thankful they were left in the dark.

(11) New Orleans 48
(2) Philadelphia 22

• Saints' decision to play smart knocked Philly senseless.
• Don't put the blame on QB Kolb, as Eagle defense rests.

(24) Oakland 13
(29) Kansas City 10

• For Raiders, winning ugly sure beats the putrid losses of the past.
• Incompetent Chiefs' coach should fire himself.

(19) Washington 9
(31) St. Louis 7

• Zorn's allergy to the end zone could be a real career-killer.
• Rams' growing pains start in the brain.

(22) Buffalo 33
(28) Tampa Bay 20

• The Bills finally ordered up some home cooking and it only cost them a few Bucs.
• No telling where Tampa Bay might cash its first win.

(14) San Francisco 23
(17) Seattle 10

• San Francisco gets defensive with ID check.
• These birds continue to drop like flies.

(15) Chicago 17
(1) Pittsburgh 14

• This version of Cutler so much easier to Bear.
• Steelers kicking themselves after latest Chicago disaster.

(13) Baltimore 31
(5) San Diego 26

• The Ravens have a secondary concern after short-circuiting Bolts.
• San Diego pays the price for going in the red.

(21) Denver 27
(30) Cleveland 6

• Broncos' defensive line comes up big -- and short.
• Browns' demise is the story of a man named Brady.

(*) Denotes the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKING
(Star-Telegram photo)