Bill's No. 1 on the, er, list

Truth and attitude. We've been pouring both around here since we opened the Grill Room one month ago. And thanks for your patronage.

So here's today's truth: After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can tell you that when a columnist throws a list at an editor, said columnist has found absolutely nothing interesting to groan about. Or...more likely, said columnist spent too much time in a watering hole like the GR the night before, and is having trouble processing all forms of thought.

That in mind, today you are getting a list...

(Truth, Part II: One of the dirty little secrets in the business is that lists, especially thought-provoking ones, are extraordinarily reader-friendly and therefore popular. Columnists are never, ever told this.)

Today's Attitude: Ranking the NFL Coaches
(First-year coaches were spared...)

• 1. Bill Belichick, New England: Bill Parcells never won a Super Bowl without Belichick on staff. Belichick (pictured) has won three without Parcells. Maybe the greatest defensive strategist ever.
• 2. Tom Coughlin, N.Y. Giants: You want him on that wall. You need him on that wall. Nothing gets past the ultra-prepared Coughlin.
• 3. Andy Reid, Philadelphia: Reid's greatest attribute is that his teams play hard for him no matter what. Sometimes he falls in love with the pass a little too much, though.
• 4. Jeff Fisher, Tennessee: The NFL's longest-tenured coach with one team. Like Reid, his players give him all they got. Special teams this year, however, have been a disaster.
• 5. Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh: There's a theme here... His players will run through a wall for the guy. He won the Super Bowl last year by finally learning it is OK to loosen up the offense from time to time.
• 6. John Harbaugh, Baltimore: This guy might be one of the all-time greats when his final bio is written. Took a lot of guts for a rookie coach to toss the keys to a rookie QB like Harbaugh did last year.
• 7. Mike Smith, Atlanta: See above. Like Harbaugh, Smith gave the ball to a rookie QB last year, and a franchise that had gone to the dogs (sorry, Mike), was back in the hunt.
• 8. Lovie Smith, Chicago: After a 5-11 start with the Bears, has rolled up a nifty 42-25 record. Tends to be a little conservative. Be interesting to study how he deals with pretentious, but talented QB Cutler this year.
• 9. Mike McCarthy, Green Bay: Did a heckuva job dealing with the on-again, off-again Favre crap, er, flap. That could have brought many coaches down. Tends to lose too many close games, though.
• 10. Sean Payton, New Orleans: Payton gets high points for burning the coaching bible and often scripting unconventional approaches to otherwise conventional situations. This dude will go for it from anywhere on the field on fourth down.
• 11. Brad Childress, Minnesota: Won six games his first year with the Vikes, eight the second, 10 the third, and is off to a 3-0 start this year. That, sports fans, is a positive trend.
• 12. John Fox, Carolina: His loyalty to older, more established players might be starting to hurt him. But this guy was 63-49 heading into the year with the Panthers. Rumors are heavy he's gone after this year. If so, he'll land somewhere else -- and win.
• 13. Ken Whisenhunt, Arizona: Has a brilliant four-game run to the Super Bowl last year to light up his resume. This year, though, we'll find out how good he really is dealing with that success.
• 14. Mike Singletary, San Francisco: Hard to believe there were so many doubters when the guy was finally given the head job. Is he wicked intense? Yep. But he seems to be learning how to blink every now and then.
• 15. Tony Sparano, Miami: Has to get huge credit, along with Big Brother Parcells for turning around a floundering Dolphin team last year. But bench Ted Ginn already.
• 16. Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville: Mr. Conservative would have been in the Top-10 two years ago. Could just be a case of being in one place too long. Really needs to get some Payton in 'em, though.
• 17. Jim Mora, Seattle: Showing a flare for kicking players in public -- just like daddy.
• 18. Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati: Lewis has his detractors, but fact is he is 48-50 with a franchise that's been perpetually laughable over the years. Have to think anything less than nine wins gets him run this year, though. Even the Bengals have only so much patience for the mediocre.
• 19. Gary Kubiak, Houston: Kubiak better win this year, or he's done.
• 20. Norv Turner, San Diego: Probably the luckiest man in America besides whoever is on Jennifer Aniston's arm. A loser everywhere, he then goes to a San Diego team loaded with talent -- and is managing to muck that up too.
• 21. Tom Cable, Oakland: Honestly, who could possibly know how good or bad this guy is given his owner. Has to be better than what's below him, though.
• 22. Dick Jauron, Buffalo: Has had ONE winning season in nine years as a head coach. Seriously, what keeps this guy employed?
• 23. Jim Zorn, Washington: Like Cable, the poor guy has to work for an egotistical maniac, who threw him into some deep water without a life preserver. He probably should have admitted he couldn't swim.
  
• 24. Wade Phillips, Dallas: Here's the other theme -- maniac owners. Phillips simply can't win a big game, but Jerry keeps him around because he's well-behaved, and doesn't hog the mirror.
• 25. Eric Mangini, Cleveland: Might be the worst coaching hire any franchise has ever made. What in the world did the Cleveland hierarchy see in this guy that they just HAD to have him?!

(...but not completely spared)

Ranking the rookies:

• 1. Rex Ryan, N.Y. Jets: Buddy's boy is winning and making enemies everywhere. Sound familiar?
  
• 2. Jim Schwartz, Detroit: The guy won a game for Detroit. 'Nuff said.
  
• 3. Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis: So far, so good for this easy-goer.
• 4. Josh McDaniels, Denver: Ran the childish Cutler and is still 3-0.
• 5. Steve Spagnulo, St. Louis: Patience will be tested in talent-void St. Louis.
  
• 6. Raheem Morris, Tampa Bay: Not sure what the Bucs saw in this youngster.
  
• 7. Todd Haley, Kansas City: The gentle K.C. press is already burying this guy.

(Daily Mail (UK), photo)

Grill Room goes old school, Steelers get run

Even though the power's out at the base station, the Grill Room is open for business with the singular goal, as always, of satisfying your appetite for attitude. We got an old-school work ethic around this joint...

Hell, our bartenders looked adversity in the eye, cranked up the emergency generators, knocked back a couple of bottles of Beefeater, and set about putting together our exclusive NFL 100-proof rankings just like we do every Wednesday.

And that's why you come here, for a straight shot of 100-proof truth.

We pander to nobody around here, though last week we did go out on a limb, thinking one of the two or three best franchises in football could handle our trust, and what Cincinnati was serving on the road.
Well, turns out the Steelers got all wobbly-kneed in the fourth quarter, and fell on their face, so our bouncers had to toss Coach Tomlin and his light-weights out onto the road to redemption.

See? We clean up our messes around here.

That said, the Big Blue Wrecking Crew held on to the top spot after demolishing impotent Tampa Bay on the road, while Bal'more showed why they would be the Giants' match in the Super Bowl if the season ended today by demolishing the Clowns from Cleveland.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) N.Y. Giants (99 proof, 3-0) Stop the run, they pass. Stop the pass, they run. Throw in a defense that is making the move from solid to dominating, and you have the most dependable team in the league right now.
• 2 (3) Baltimore (97 proof, 3-0) Have a chance to make a serious statement about who's really the class of the AFC when they visit New England Sunday.
• 3 (4) New Orleans (96 proof, 3-0) Passed another test when they had trouble passing in Buffalo last week, yet still managed to roll big.
• 4 (5) Indianapolis (93 proof, 3-0) Peyton Manning is the best player in the NFL right now, though their best defensive player, Dwight Freeney, is down and out for a couple of weeks.

WORTH A SHOT

• 5 (7) Minnesota (89 proof, 3-0) Brett Favre did what he's best at in a miraculous win over the 49ers. Will he start doing what he's second-best at and throw it to his old buddies when the Packers come calling Monday night?
• 6 (8) N.Y. Jets (88 proof, 3-0) Buddy boys' team made the most of Tennessee's fumbling special teams and did what, gulp, good teams do -- capitalized. Next up: New Orleans. That'll be a beauty.
  
• 7(9) Philadelphia (87 proof, 2-1) Andy Reid will endure ridiculous Week 4 bye figuring out how in the heck he is going to keep his three-headed QB monster from eating itself.
  
• 8 (10) New England (85 proof, 2-1) Clipped pretender Falcons' wings last Sunday, but will run into a more ornery group of birds when the Ravens dive into town this weekend.
• 9 (12) San Francisco (83 proof, 2-1) Tough, mean, stubborn, but a bit stupid. It's all part of the learning curve for Coach Mike's 49ers.
• 10 (11) San Diego (82 proof, 2-1) Tough team to figure, but figure they lose to a desperate Steelers team Sunday night.
• 11 (6) Atlanta (81 proof, 2-1) Were run from the GR when they were found carrying ID card stamped "legitimate contender" on it. Get the bye week to work on their credentials.
  
• 12 (13) Chicago (80 proof, 2-1) Two straight weeks opposing kickers failed to boot the Bears, and for two straight weeks the Bears capitalized like No. 6 Buddy boys' team.
• 13 (17) Cincinnati (79 proof, 2-1) This is the team we thought they were around here when the season started. That's why you trust what we serve you in the GR.
  

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (14) Dallas (77 proof, 2-1) Is anybody trusting what Jerry's 'Boys are serving us right now?
• 15 (18) Green Bay (74 proof, 2-1) A team in search of an identity will see a glimpse of its old self when Favre huddles with the Vikes. Will they like what they see?
  
• 16 (2) Pittsburgh (73 proof, 1-2) If getting bounced from the GR doesn't wake you up, nothing will. Oh yeah, and third-place in the division should be another eye-opener.
• 17 (21) Denver (70 proof, 3-0) Save it, Broncos' fans. Your team is average and you know it. Want to make a statement that'll earn you a running tab around here? Buck the 'Boys on Sunday.

CHEAP STUFF

• 18 (22) Seattle (65 proof, 1-2) So the coach is blaming the kicker for missing two of six kicks Sunday. Try stuffing the ball in the end zone and piping down, pal.
• 19 (19) Tennessee (63 proof, 0-3) If Tennessee doesn't clean up their nasty special teams play, and take Jacksonville this week, they're on bread and water for the rest of the year.
• 20 (15) Arizona (61 proof, 1-2) Arizona gets a week off to reminisce about what it was like to be good for a five-week stretch last year, and how nice it is to be back to being rotten again. Ahhh, home.
  

ROT GUT

• 21 (30) Jacksonville (56 proof, 1-2) Butter-fingered Titans come to town Sunday, but will Jags be finger-lickin' good?
• 22 (16) Houston (54 proof, 1-2) We'll stick with the Texans one more week and send the Raiders their way to help 'em feel good about themselves again.
• 23 (23) Buffalo (50 proof, 1-2) Forget big mouth T.O. Coach Dick Jauron plus QB Trent Edwards equals awful.
  
• 24 (25) Carolina (45 proof, 0-3) Had a chance to right your season and wrong Jerry's 'Boys, and you blew both. You certainly didn't earn your week off, Panthers.
• 25 (32) Detroit (40 proof, 1-2) Finally, Detroit gets even with Washington. Can't put all that poetic justice into words.
  
• 26 (24) Miami (38 proof, 0-3) Expect QB Henne to be benched Sunday against Bills and Pat White to come in and shine.
  
• 27 (20) Washington (35 proof, 1-2) Has there ever been a team that is more emblematic of the city it represents?
• 28 (27) Kansas City (33 proof, 0-3) No. 1 Giants come knocking Sunday. Doh!
  
• 29 (26) Oakland (30 proof, 1-2) Spent more time last week girding for Rich Gannon than they did the Broncos.
• 30 (29) St. Louis (25 proof, 0-3) This team stinks.
• 31 (28) Tampa Bay (22 proof, 0-3) This team really, really stinks.
• 32 (31) Cleveland (19 proof, 0-3) This team really, really, really...
  

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.