Giants didn't look out for No. 1

We're always paying attention around here even if the Giants and Eagles weren't last Sunday. Man, you'd think a pair of ol' stalwarts from a rough-and-tumble neighborhood like the NFC East would know better.

First, the Giants went down to New Orleans to restore order around the NFL, and got hit in the mouth before they were able to make a single statement. Then, a few hours later, the Eagles brought their uniforms to Oakland and not their game, and were cleaned and pressed by a gang of light-weights who used to refer to themselves as the vaunted Raider Nation.

So be warned, with that kind of stuff going down in the NFL this year, it's best you keep your head on swivel, pally.
And drink up, it's gonna be a long season.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (2) New Orleans (99 proof, 5-0) Biggest mismatch of Sunday's slap-down of the Giants was on the sidelines. Giants never adjusted to what the Saints coaches were serving: Max-protect and find out who this dude named C.C. Brown is not covering.
  
• 2 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Colts will get a second straight week of rest when they visit the Rams Sunday.
• 3 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 6-0) Vikings better learn to play 60 minutes by this Sunday at Pittsburgh or clock will strike 12 on their winning streak.

WORTH A SHOT

• 4 (8) Denver (89 proof, 6-0) Do we believe? No. Are we paying attention? You bet.
• 5 (6) Atlanta (87 proof, 4-1) Had the magnifying glass on 'em Sunday night, and spotted very few weaknesses.
• 6 (1) N.Y. Giants (86 proof, 5-1) That's what happens when you get all full of yourself beating up on midgets. Next time bring some attitude, and a secondary. For now, just get on out of here.
• 7 (7) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 4-2) Need to clean up this untidy brand of football they have been playing with unbeaten Vikes looking to make a mess of their place Sunday.
• 8 (9) New England (84 proof, 4-2) After thumping Titans, 59-0, Patriots are ready for Battle of 1812 redo when they visit UK this weekend.
• 9 (11) Baltimore (81 proof, 3-3) Yes they lost, and still moved up two spots. You want to tell me why they should have dropped, pal?
  
• 10 (5) Philadelphia (79 proof, 3-2) Seriously, what was THAT?! Loss at Oakland was the worst of the year by anybody. Can top it, though, if they throw in another clunker at D.C. Monday night .
• 11 (17) Arizona (78 proof, 3-2) All of a sudden the Cardinals are looking very serious to us. Giants better watch their backs Sunday night.
  
• 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-2) Played Atlanta tough, but you always got the feeling it was going to end badly for them.
• 13 (13) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Next two games on the road against Houston and Indianapolis will tell us what this team is really made of.

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (20) Houston (72 proof, 3-3) Matt Schaub threw for 392 yds., and four TDs against a Bengals' defense that shut down Baltimore on the road the week before. We told you, there is some bad stuff going on this year.
  
• 15 (10) Cincinnati (71 proof, 4-2) And because there's bad stuff all about, we'll predict for no good reason at all that the Bengals will shut down Cutler and the Bears Sunday.
• 16 (16) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) With Saints back at home for a divisional showdown with Atlanta next Monday, maybe the Saints are marching into a trap this weekend?
• 17 (18) Green Bay (68 proof, 3-2) Packers did nothing in their 26-0 win over the Lions and their third-string QB to hurt or help their cause around here.
• 18 (19) Dallas (65 proof, 3-2) Used bye week to read epic tale about the little engine that could. "I think we can. I think we can. I think we can..." Jerry's kids shouted. No, you can't.

CHEAP STUFF

• 19 (15) San Diego (61 proof, 2-3) What an annoying team.
• 20 (14) N.Y. Jets (59 proof, 3-3) Well, the bloom is officially off Buddy boys' pretty quarterback. Don't get too close, he stinks.
  
• 21 (22) Jacksonville (55 proof, 3-3) Careful, Jacksonville, you are about to get run from this place for good with another performance like the one against the Rams Sunday.

ROT GUT

• 22 (23) Carolina (49 proof, 2-3) How long can they play 'hide the quarterback' before he, and they, are found out?
  
• 23 (28) Buffalo (45 proof, 2-4) Poor, poor Buffalo fans. Jauron always seems to do just enough to give you a sliver of hope. Hopefully, you are smart enough to know by now, you don't have any.
  
• 24 (21) Seattle (43 proof, 2-4) Bye comes at a perfect time to come up with another excuse for futility. I mean, wasn't everything supposed to be different when Hasselbeck was at the helm?
  
• 25 (31) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-5) Were the latest recipients of Washington's program to lift up the disenfranchised of the league.
• 26 (30) Oakland (37 proof, 2-4) Nobody is more surprised by what happened Sunday against the Eagles than the Raiders.
• 27 (26) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-5) QB Anderson has put his house on the market, too.
• 28 (29) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-6) Have already been banned in London.
• 29 (24) Detroit (27 proof, 1-5) If the Lions have a bye week will anybody even know they are missing?
• 30 (27) Tennessee (22 proof, 0-6) Seriously, this has gone way past ridiculous. A good-bye for the terrible Titans this weekend.
• 31 (25) Washington (19 proof, 2-4) We admit it...This whole rotten mess is fascinating to us in the Grill Room.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-6) After they lose to Colts this Sunday, will have their best (only?) shot at a win this year when they travel to Detroit the following week.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Some Giant Thanks and Steel resolve

We're fully expecting a rowdy crowd around the Grill Room this week because we've put the 1-1 Steelers in the No. 2 position in the NFL 100-proof rankings.

But before you start any trouble and get bounced from the joint, shut up and listen:
First, we don't genuflect to upstart squads like so many of the knuckleheads that put together their weekly rankings.
Yeah, the Jets are a surprising 2-0, but with a rookie QB at the helm, and a coach whose mouth attracts flies and more and more enemies each week, it is hard to see them beating any of the teams ranked above them if matched in, say, Omaha or something.

And that last part's key, pally. Our bartenders base their rankings on what a team would do when matched up against any other team that Sunday on a neutral field.

So, big shot, how much would you bet right now against the Steelers if they took on any of the other teams below them on that Omaha field? Come on, how much? Think Baltimore'd take 'em? Do you really have that much confidence yet in the Saints? How 'bout the Colts? The Jets...?!

Yeah, thought so. Not talking so big now, are ya?

Look, somebody's gotta make the tough calls and rein in all the insanity among the so-called NFL prognosticators out there. It ain't easy being us.

But, hey, fagedaboudit, we're all friends here, right?

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (3) N.Y. Giants (98 proof, 2-0) The Giants' version of "Shock and awwwwwww..." did more to restore our faith in America than Obama after Eli's aerial bombardment of Jerry's Evil Empire on national TV.
  
• 2 (1) Pittsburgh (95 proof, 1-1) Once more: Yes, they have a loss; yes, many other teams don't; no, none of them beat Pittsburgh on a neutral field.
• 3 (13) Baltimore (94 proof, 2-0) OK, we're sold.
  
• 4 (11) New Orleans (93 proof, 2-0) Still wonder how "The Most Offensive Show on Earth" plays when football weather comes blowing in, but walloping Philadelphia, 48-22, at The Stink any time of year is mighty strong.

WORTH A SHOT

• 5 (7) Indianapolis (89 proof, 2-0) The elder Manning and his Colts perform a mathematical miracle, and throw conventional wisdom for a loss when they beat Miami by running only 35 plays to the Dolphins' 84, and hold the ball for 14:53 to the Dolphins' 45:07.
  
• 6 (10) Atlanta (88 proof, 2-0) We're not seeing any holes in this squad. However, they'll be carded at the door Sunday when they visit New England to see if they are legitimate.
  
• 7 (8) Minnesota (87 proof, 2-0) Enthusiasm should be curbed a bit with wins over awful Cleveland and Detroit. Let's see how they handle the punch in the mouth they're sure to get when Singletary's roughnecks come calling Sunday.
• 8 (16) N.Y. Jets (85 proof, 2-0) Backed up trash talk with a demon-exorcising win over the hated Patsies. But how long can this rowdy group back up Buddy boy's big mouth? A desperate Titans squad comes knocking with brass knuckles Sunday...
  
• 9 (2) Philadelphia (84 proof, 1-1) That didn't take long...A week after the GR warned Coach Reid about running it up on a thoroughly beaten opponent, the Saints came marching into Philly to beat some manners into him.
• 10 (4) New England (83 proof, 1-1) If Belichick can round this no-name group into form by season's end, Lombardi's got nothing on him. Brady or no Brady, this squad's in trouble.
  
• 11 (5) San Diego (82 proof, 1-1) Norv finally calls a running play and Ray Lewis swallows it whole. Huge play by great player against average coach.
  
• 12 (14) San Francisco (80 proof, 2-0) Coach Mike and his rough-and-ready 49ers are welcome at the Grill Room anytime. Seattle's still picking up pieces of itself off the turf of Monster Park.

WATERED DOWN

• 13 (15) Chicago (78 proof, 1-1) Grudging kudos to QB Cutler, who grudgingly took what the Steelers gave him. Nobody was a bigger giver than Steeler kicker Jeff Reed, though.
• 14 (9) Dallas (74 proof, 1-1) So Cowboys' fans, whataya think of Romo and your nose-drilling owner now?
  
• 15 (18) Arizona (72 proof, 1-1) A game plan's goal which was to keep QB Warner alive for another week by chucking it quick resulted in a statistical thing of beauty. Yes, 24-of-26 is mighty spiffy, but the longest completion went for 22 yards.

CHEAP STUFF

• 16 (26) Houston (70 proof, 1-1) Took this squad one week to renew our faith in 'em. Stood in for 60 minutes against a tough-as-nails Titans' squad on the road.
• 17 (23) Cincinnati (69 proof, 1-1) Another squad that went a long way in restoring our belief in 'em around here after big road win in Green Bay.
  
• 18 (12) Green Bay (67 proof, 1-1) This is one team we've been right about from the start. In the land of cheese, Swiss won't cut it for an offensive line.
  
• 19 (6) Tennessee (65 proof, 0-2) Far too early for a team of this caliber to be put in a desperate situation. But desperate is what they are heading to N.J. to take on Buddy boy's big-talking Jets.
  
• 20 (19) Washington (62 proof, 1-1) We repeat: The Redskins are what we thought they were, and QB Campbell is who the 'Skins thought he was when they tried to trade for a QB this year.
• 21 (21) Denver (58 proof, 2-0) The consolation prize for being the worst 2-0 team in football is being moved off the 'Rot Gut' shelf in the GR.

ROT GUT

• 22 (17) Seattle (55 proof, 1-1) Matt Hasselbeck's hurt again, and Chicago's coming to town. Oh-oh...
  
• 23 (22) Buffalo (54 proof, 1-1) Bills are praying for Buffalo weather when Saints march in Sunday.
• 24 (27) Miami (51 proof, 0-2) Never has a team done so much to lose by so little. Loss to Colts will haunt them for rest of the year.
  
• 25 (25) Carolina (48 proof, 0-2) Panthers get a chance to finish off Jerry, and restore hope with a win Monday night.
• 26 (24) Oakland (42 proof, 1-1) Stealing is one way to get wins...
  
• 27 (29) Kansas City (40 proof, 0-2) ...when you are playing a team so intent on throwing the game away.
  
• 28 (28) Tampa Bay (36 proof, 0-2) It gets worse, No. 1 Giants come visiting Sunday.
• 29 (31) St. Louis (33 proof, 0-2) Seven points in two games for Rams.
• 30 (20) Jacksonville (32 proof, 0-2) How can you start so poorly in home-opener?
• 31 (30) Cleveland (31 proof, 0-2) Cancel this story about a man named Brady.
• 32 (32) Detroit (25 proof, 0-2) Thankfully, a TV blackout looms Sunday for Lions' fans.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Week 1 perspective served cold

Because we know you come here to "satisfy your appetite for attitude," each week the staff at the Grill Room will put together a Monday Menu featuring the finest opinion from the demons of deadline -- sports writers and columnists in every NFL city.

Our menu of choice cuts will offer you spicy perspective on Sunday's winning and losing teams.

If you want baloney and cheese, turn on ESPN and skedaddle. But if you're brave enough to read the writing on the wall, pull up a chair and dig in, while we crack open the morning paper.

In the Grill Room, we still love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

TODAY'S MENU:

(11) Atlanta 19
(21) Miami 7

• The Falcons are still flying high after winging their way into the playoffs a year ago.
• The smell of stinky fish littered the Georgia Dome Sunday. At least the bus left on time.
  

(18) Baltimore 38
(31) Kansas City 24

• QB Joe Flacco was Heaping praise Sunday on one of the Ravens most reliable veterans.
• The good, the bad, and the ugly: Kansas City was tough to figure after its roller-coaster loss to the Ravens.
  

(2) Philadelphia 38
(15) Carolina 10

• The Eagles were soaring on Sunday, until QB McNabb's injury brought them closer to earth.
• This Fox better get sly quick, if he wants to continue guarding his hen house.
  

(28) Denver 12
(17) Cincinnati 7

• The Broncos were shouting, "Amen!" Sunday after their prayers were answered in the final seconds
• The hapless Bengals topped even themselves with this beauty of a loss.
  

(8) Minnesota 34
(30) Cleveland 20

• The Vikings were playing Brian's song in their rout of the Browns on Sunday.
• Cleveland will tell you that Viking RB Adrian Peterson's performance was just sickening.
  

(23) N.Y. Jets 24
(12) Houston 7

• Rookie QM Mark Sanchez looked like a working Joe in his dandy debut.
• It's Ground Hog Day in Houston, where they've seen plenty of bad beginnings.
  

(6) Indianapolis 14
(25) Jacksonville 12

• Rookie coach Jim Caldwell proved Sunday he is the Colts' decider.
• Fact is, the Jaguars' one-man attack remains offensive.
  

(13) New Orleans 45
(32) Detroit 27

• QB Brees led his Saints to sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths...against the beleaguered Lion defense.
• QB Stafford shows all hope isn't lost, even if his new team just keeps losing.
  

(9) Dallas 34
(29) Tampa Bay 21

• Wonder Boy returns with some neat, new weapons.
• The Bucs have big problems, but quitting isn't one of them.
  

(20) San Francisco 20
(10) Arizona 16

• The 49ers showed they are prepared to be like Mike.
• San Francisco's play in the fourth quarter leaves Warner at the bottom of Hill.
  

(3) N.Y. Giants 23
(19) Washington 17

• Osi what the Giants have assembled on the defensive front.
• Haynesworth a 350-pound bust in opener.
  

(22) Seattle 28
(27) St. Louis 0

• Mora less, this guy's cool.
• Spags out to make his new team Ram-tough.
  

(16) Green Bay 21
(14) Chicago 15

• Packers expect more this year and get it.
• Cutler's (pictured) mouth is hard to Bear.
  

(*) Denotes the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKING

(Associated Press photo)