Willkommen to the Stammtisch, Brett!

While the Grill Room caters to mostly an American audience, we do follow certain German traditions around this joint -- besides serving the best beer in the world.

Recently, we had the idea to move around the tables with the aim of positioning one in the finest location in the place. So, after a little work, we now have our Stammtisch. It is right next to the fireplace, has unfettered access to the bar, and offers a picturesque view of the storybook German countryside on the left and our 120-inch, big-screen TV on the right.

Of course, the Stammtisch is reserved for only our finest customers, and able consumers of our strong stuff.
In the last couple of weeks, that table's been a bit quiet, even if New Orleans' Bourbon Street contingent have been regulars.

Well, this week we've invited Brett Favre's Vikings up to join the Saints and Peyton Manning's all-too-polite Colts at our Stammtisch. What they accomplished in Green Bay last Sunday was mighty strong.

The table's plenty exclusive, but it's also plenty big, so we've extended an invitation to the defending champion Steelers to gather 'round next week, but only if they go to Denver and beat the Broncos Monday night. With incentive like that, how can they lose?

The gang around the Stammtisch will be watching.


THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) New Orleans (99 proof, 7-0) With Carolina, St. Louis and Tampa Bay coming up, Saints won't play their next NFL game until the Patsies come calling on Nov. 30.
  
• 2 (2) Indianapolis (95 proof, 7-0) With Manning completely ineffective (31-48, 347 yds., 0 TDs), Colts had to go to RB Addai to throw clinching TD against 49ers.
• 3 (4) Minnesota (91 proof, 7-1) Favre and Peterson get the headlines, but Percy Harvin is the story.

WORTH A SHOT

• 4 (3) Pittsburgh (87 proof, 5-2) Ready to head to Denver Monday night to finish what Ravens started last Sunday.
  
• 5 (5) New England (85 proof, 5-2) After bye week spent in Florida with wife Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady says his body feels great. And this is news...
  
• 6 (7) Philadelphia (84 proof, 5-2) Used scrimmage against Giants to prepare for confident Cowboys this Sunday.
• 7 (9) Baltimore (82 proof, 4-3) Put Denver in its proper place, and is fixin' to do the same with Cincy.
• 8 (10) Cincinnati (79 proof, 5-2) Used bye week to make sure all their fillings were properly glued in place with rock-'em, sock-'em Ravens coming to town for revenge.
• 9 (6) Denver (78 proof, 6-1) Took 'em eight weeks, but they are what we thought they were. OK, maybe they're just a little better...
• 10 (15) Dallas (77 proof, 5-2) Well, well, it's about time the Cowboys started their rise. Otherwise, how can they fall?
• 11 (13) Houston (76 proof, 5-3) Loss of TE Daniels, is a mighty downer to a team on the way up.
• 12 (11) Atlanta (74 proof, 4-3) After tough loss to Saints, Falcons will benefit from Obama's NFL bailout plan when they host his team on Sunday.

WATERED DOWN

• 13 (18) Chicago (66 proof, 4-3) This team has 9-7 written all over it.
• 14 (8) Arizona (65 proof, 4-3) Speaking of having 9-7 written all over it...
  
• 15 (16) San Diego (63 proof, 4-3) Had to play a full 60 minutes to put away awful Raiders. Lucky for them, they might need only half that to put away Giants Sunday.
• 16 (14) Green Bay (61 proof, 4-3) Rodgers holds the ball for 10 seconds in the pocket and O-Line gets rapped. Nice...
  
• 17 (12) N.Y. Giants (60 proof, 5-3) Defensive coach Sheridan vows to finally make an adjustment Sunday when he crosses his arms the other way on the sidelines.
• 18 (17) San Francisco (58 proof, 3-4) Just what Tennessee needs, an angry 49ers team at home this Sunday.
• 19 (19) Miami (57 proof, 3-4) Finally figured the best way to get the ball in Ted Ginn's hands -- don't throw it to him.

CHEAP STUFF

• 20 (20) N.Y. Jets (56 proof, 4-4) Buddy boy's Jets will spend bye week talking big to themselves, because frankly, nobody else is listening anymore.
  
• 21 (24) Carolina (55 proof, 3-4) Big win in Arizona Sunday, but Coach Fox won't last long holding his breath every time Delhomme drops back to pass -- even if it was only 14 times.
  

ROT GUT

• 22 (21) Jacksonville (50 proof, 3-4) Enough of this team already.
• 23 (23) Seattle (47 proof, 2-5) Just dumped Edgerrin James. There! That will fix it!
  
• 24 (22) Buffalo (45 proof, 3-5) The exciting Dick Jauron is heading to Norton, Kan., during the bye week, to kick seriously tail in a bingo tournament.
• 25 (25) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-6) Had a bye week Sunday and nobody noticed.
• 26 (26) Oakland (37 proof, 2-5) Coach Cable will join Jauron in Norton to make sure those blue-hairs pay up -- or else.
• 27 (30) Tennessee (30 proof, 1-6) Now that they've played that mighty Young trump card, what's next?
  
• 28 (27) Cleveland (29 proof, 1-7) After firing GM, Mangini warns owner he might be next.
• 29 (28) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-7) Why do we think they can beat Green Bay this week? Seriously, why?!
• 30 (31) Washington (19 proof, 2-5) After years of running the team into the ground, it has finally occurred to Dan Snyder things aren't going well. Will ya cut this guy off already.
  
• 31 (32) St. Louis (18 proof, 1-7) Into fourth day of 11-day drunk after winning Sunday.
• 32 (29) Detroit (15 proof, 1-6) Ahh, home...

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Saints and Colts sipping success

As we head to the midpoint of the season, only two teams have proven themselves worthy of the Grill Room's best hooch.

But, my, aren't Indianapolis and New Orleans two very different customers!

The Saints? Well, they bust through the double-doors and act like they own the joint. Sure, this gregarious group takes some getting used to, and can get full-blown overbearing at times. Thing is, we notice nobody has the stones to throw down on 'em.
In fact, by night's end, people are actually buying THEM drinks! Did you see how generous those Dolphins were Sunday?!
Yeah, it's hard not to like these hard-drinking, hard-playing swashbucklers from Bourbon Street.

The Colts, on the other hand, are far more refined. They will politely engage the clientele in conversion, order a bottle of the good stuff, and tip like kings.
They always make the gentleman's play, and inevitably end up with the best-looking babes on their arms.
We also notice that after about 60 minutes with this good-lookin' crew, our lesser customers generally slink away from the bar feeling completely inadequate.

Yep, the Colts and Saints form quite the odd couple, but they are welcome in this joint anytime.

Prost, fellas!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) New Orleans (99 proof, 6-0) Water boy stomped off in a huff when Brees didn't throw him a TD pass for the second straight week.
  
• 2 (2) Indianapolis (97 proof, 6-0) This club is the reason a half-cocked sportswriter at some point was the first to call a team, 'a well-oiled machine.'
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 3 (7) Pittsburgh (87 proof, 5-2) When you have play-makers on both sides of the ball you can overcome the occasional sloppy play.
  
• 4 (3) Minnesota (86 proof, 6-1) It's clear Favre had every intention of staying healthy enough to face Green Bay on Sunday. Did you see his duck-and-cover routine on Pittsburgh's two defensive scores in the 4th quarter?!
  
• 5 (8) New England (85 proof, 5-2) Get to enjoy their third straight bye week at home.
• 6 (4) Denver (84 proof, 6-0) Dropped two places during their week off, because the more you consider this team, the more it makes no sense.
• 7 (10) Philadelphia (83 proof, 4-2) Toyed with the Redskins and can take charge of the division with a win over the stumbling Giants Sunday.
• 8 (11) Arizona (82 proof, 4-2) This team is learning to play some good, hard-nosed defense, but will have to run the ball better to get back to the promised land.
  
• 9 (9) Baltimore (81 proof, 3-3) Anybody doubt they will beat Denver Sunday?
• 10 (15) Cincinnati (79 proof, 5-2) What we said last week: We'll predict for no good reason at all that the Bengals will shut down Cutler and the Bears Sunday. Actually they humiliated them.
  
• 11 (5) Atlanta (78 proof, 4-2) For a team that looks so complete, they obviously have holes. But where are they?
• 12 (6) N.Y. Giants (77 proof, 5-2) When the Saints and Cardinals stood right next to them, they found out these guys weren't Giants at all.
• 13 (14) Houston (75 proof, 4-3) Now that they are finally above .500, will they be afraid of heights?
• 14 (17) Green Bay (73 proof, 4-2) Have you heard? Brett Favre returns Sunday.
• 15 (18) Dallas (71 proof, 4-2) So the 'Boys have a new receiver who is Miles batter than T.O. Let the hype begin!
  

WATERED DOWN

• 16 (19) San Diego (68 proof, 3-3) We said it last week and we'll say it again: What an annoying team.
• 17 (13) San Francisco (65 proof, 3-3) If they don't want to be humiliated, better play two solid halves of football this weekend at Indianapolis -- and start Smith in both of them.
  
• 18 (12) Chicago (62 proof, 3-3) Jay Cutler equals Jeff George.

CHEAP STUFF

• 19 (16) Miami (60 proof, 2-4) Had the wounded Saints right where they wanted them, and then took their foot off their throat. These ain't your daddy's Saints.
  
• 20 (20) N.Y. Jets (59 proof, 4-3) Let me get this straight: Coach Buddy's Boy weighs in at well over 600 pounds, and has a problem with Sanchez eating a hot dog?!
  
• 21 (21) Jacksonville (55 proof, 3-3) Coming off a bye to play 0-6 Titans, who also had a bye. If they aren't careful in Nashville Sunday, it could be bye-bye to the Jaguars this year.

ROT GUT

• 22 (23) Buffalo (49 proof, 3-4) Moving around these rot-gut teams is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Buffalo is sinking more slowly -- for now.
• 23 (23) Seattle (47 proof, 2-4) Head to Dallas Sunday, where they will get a chance to read the 671st story about Miles Austin.
  
• 24 (22) Carolina (43 proof, 2-4) The NFC's version of the Tennessee Titans.
  
• 25 (25) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-6) Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock just dropped a 500-pound verb on top of Coach Haley.
• 26 (26) Oakland (37 proof, 2-4) That this team has somehow managed two wins is pure silver-and-black magic.
• 27 (27) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-6) Mangini should be lucky Whitlock doesn't cover his team.
• 28 (28) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-7) Look at their schedule and tell me where a win comes from.
  
• 29 (29) Detroit (27 proof, 1-5) Do you really think Detroit is going to let St. Louis come into their home and abuse them Sunday? Huh?! Do you?! Yeah, we're not sure either...
• 30 (30) Tennessee (22 proof, 0-6) Coach Fisher is back to wearing a Titans jersey so he can feel what it's like to be a loser again.
• 31 (31) Washington (19 proof, 2-5) Dan Snyder has consented to pay to get Jim Zorn's stiff upper lip repaired.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-7) A loss to Lions Sunday gives them a clear shot to become NFL's all-time worst team.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Giants didn't look out for No. 1

We're always paying attention around here even if the Giants and Eagles weren't last Sunday. Man, you'd think a pair of ol' stalwarts from a rough-and-tumble neighborhood like the NFC East would know better.

First, the Giants went down to New Orleans to restore order around the NFL, and got hit in the mouth before they were able to make a single statement. Then, a few hours later, the Eagles brought their uniforms to Oakland and not their game, and were cleaned and pressed by a gang of light-weights who used to refer to themselves as the vaunted Raider Nation.

So be warned, with that kind of stuff going down in the NFL this year, it's best you keep your head on swivel, pally.
And drink up, it's gonna be a long season.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (2) New Orleans (99 proof, 5-0) Biggest mismatch of Sunday's slap-down of the Giants was on the sidelines. Giants never adjusted to what the Saints coaches were serving: Max-protect and find out who this dude named C.C. Brown is not covering.
  
• 2 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Colts will get a second straight week of rest when they visit the Rams Sunday.
• 3 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 6-0) Vikings better learn to play 60 minutes by this Sunday at Pittsburgh or clock will strike 12 on their winning streak.

WORTH A SHOT

• 4 (8) Denver (89 proof, 6-0) Do we believe? No. Are we paying attention? You bet.
• 5 (6) Atlanta (87 proof, 4-1) Had the magnifying glass on 'em Sunday night, and spotted very few weaknesses.
• 6 (1) N.Y. Giants (86 proof, 5-1) That's what happens when you get all full of yourself beating up on midgets. Next time bring some attitude, and a secondary. For now, just get on out of here.
• 7 (7) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 4-2) Need to clean up this untidy brand of football they have been playing with unbeaten Vikes looking to make a mess of their place Sunday.
• 8 (9) New England (84 proof, 4-2) After thumping Titans, 59-0, Patriots are ready for Battle of 1812 redo when they visit UK this weekend.
• 9 (11) Baltimore (81 proof, 3-3) Yes they lost, and still moved up two spots. You want to tell me why they should have dropped, pal?
  
• 10 (5) Philadelphia (79 proof, 3-2) Seriously, what was THAT?! Loss at Oakland was the worst of the year by anybody. Can top it, though, if they throw in another clunker at D.C. Monday night .
• 11 (17) Arizona (78 proof, 3-2) All of a sudden the Cardinals are looking very serious to us. Giants better watch their backs Sunday night.
  
• 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-2) Played Atlanta tough, but you always got the feeling it was going to end badly for them.
• 13 (13) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Next two games on the road against Houston and Indianapolis will tell us what this team is really made of.

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (20) Houston (72 proof, 3-3) Matt Schaub threw for 392 yds., and four TDs against a Bengals' defense that shut down Baltimore on the road the week before. We told you, there is some bad stuff going on this year.
  
• 15 (10) Cincinnati (71 proof, 4-2) And because there's bad stuff all about, we'll predict for no good reason at all that the Bengals will shut down Cutler and the Bears Sunday.
• 16 (16) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) With Saints back at home for a divisional showdown with Atlanta next Monday, maybe the Saints are marching into a trap this weekend?
• 17 (18) Green Bay (68 proof, 3-2) Packers did nothing in their 26-0 win over the Lions and their third-string QB to hurt or help their cause around here.
• 18 (19) Dallas (65 proof, 3-2) Used bye week to read epic tale about the little engine that could. "I think we can. I think we can. I think we can..." Jerry's kids shouted. No, you can't.

CHEAP STUFF

• 19 (15) San Diego (61 proof, 2-3) What an annoying team.
• 20 (14) N.Y. Jets (59 proof, 3-3) Well, the bloom is officially off Buddy boys' pretty quarterback. Don't get too close, he stinks.
  
• 21 (22) Jacksonville (55 proof, 3-3) Careful, Jacksonville, you are about to get run from this place for good with another performance like the one against the Rams Sunday.

ROT GUT

• 22 (23) Carolina (49 proof, 2-3) How long can they play 'hide the quarterback' before he, and they, are found out?
  
• 23 (28) Buffalo (45 proof, 2-4) Poor, poor Buffalo fans. Jauron always seems to do just enough to give you a sliver of hope. Hopefully, you are smart enough to know by now, you don't have any.
  
• 24 (21) Seattle (43 proof, 2-4) Bye comes at a perfect time to come up with another excuse for futility. I mean, wasn't everything supposed to be different when Hasselbeck was at the helm?
  
• 25 (31) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-5) Were the latest recipients of Washington's program to lift up the disenfranchised of the league.
• 26 (30) Oakland (37 proof, 2-4) Nobody is more surprised by what happened Sunday against the Eagles than the Raiders.
• 27 (26) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-5) QB Anderson has put his house on the market, too.
• 28 (29) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-6) Have already been banned in London.
• 29 (24) Detroit (27 proof, 1-5) If the Lions have a bye week will anybody even know they are missing?
• 30 (27) Tennessee (22 proof, 0-6) Seriously, this has gone way past ridiculous. A good-bye for the terrible Titans this weekend.
• 31 (25) Washington (19 proof, 2-4) We admit it...This whole rotten mess is fascinating to us in the Grill Room.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-6) After they lose to Colts this Sunday, will have their best (only?) shot at a win this year when they travel to Detroit the following week.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Showdown Sunday in New Orleans

The table is set, and for the first time in the Grill Room's short but storied history, the top two teams in our NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS are bubbling over and ready to uncork what they've been bottling in order to see which team is made of the strongest stuff.

And though it's oh-so tempting to continue pouring out an endless stream of metaphors to set up what's on tap in this 100-proof matchup, we'll just call for the tab, and point out how appropriate it is that the showdown between the No. 1 Giants and No. 2 Saints is in New Orleans.

Let's pop the keg on this baby already! Er, sorry...

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) N.Y. Giants (99 proof, 5-0) Nobody plays the the Rodney Dangerfield card better than this club. Saints should beware of falling chips as Giants shoulder rough-and-tumble burden of getting so little respect.
• 2 (2) New Orleans (96 proof, 4-0) Beat back Buddy boy's Jets two weeks ago, but N.J.'s varsity squad visits Sunday.
• 3 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Quick, besides Reggie Wayne name another Colt WR. That's what we figured. No matter, Peyton could throw to John Wayne and put up monster numbers.
• 4 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 5-0) For the first time in decades, the Vikes are beginning to look like a squad you can trust week in and week out -- except for the 40-year-old QB, what's-his-name. Beware the hamstring...
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 5 (7) Philadelphia (88 proof, 3-1) Visit Oakland this week, and will try to duck in a football game if they can find an NFL club out there.
• 6 (10) Atlanta (87 proof, 3-1) Whoa! That was some very strong stuff the Falcons laid on Mike's 49ers Sunday. Coach Singletary not only blinked, he flinched.
  
• 7 (9) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 3-2) Polamalu, Parker practicing picture-perfect for Pittsburgh. Sorry.
• 8 (11) Denver (83 proof, 5-0) Broncos' McDaniels out-coaches protege Belichick, then celebrates like one of his children. How adorable.
  
• 9 (5) New England (82 proof, 3-2) Brady is missing more open guys than Barney Frank.
• 10 (14) Cincinnati (80 proof, 4-1) Bengals one Bronco miracle win from being 5-0, three nail-biters from being 1-4, but we're pouring this one half-full in the Grill Room, because...
  
• 11 (6) Baltimore (78 proof, 3-2) ...the proud Ravens were knocked flat on their backs by RB Benson and the Bengals. Will taste real ground beef in Adrian Peterson this week.
  
• 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-1) Better buckle their chin straps extra tight for road tilt against Atlanta Sunday.
• 13 (8) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Get a bye week to lick their wounds after being a serious victim of 'roll reversal' in 45-10 pounding at hands of Falcons.

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (13) N.Y. Jets (72 proof, 3-2) Their two-game skid was all so predictable for these big-talking bullies. Unfortunately, games coming up against the pathetic Bills and Raiders will only bring on laryngitis.
• 15 (16) San Diego (71 proof, 2-2) We'll say the team that Norv built will hand Denver its first loss when it comes visiting Monday night.
• 16 (21) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) OK, this is getting freaky. Not only does the Dolphins' coach have a name that sounds like Tony Soprano, he dresses like him! Did you see that outfit Monday night?! Fageddaboudit...
  
• 17 (20) Arizona (68 proof, 2-2) Last week we said: Took the bye week to decide whether to just quit, relax and enjoy the sun, or play on. They get one more week to make up their stinkin' minds.
  

CHEAP STUFF

• 18 (19) Green Bay (62 proof, 2-2) Hopefully they used the week off to shop for a real offensive line.
  
• 19 (19) Dallas (57 proof, 3-2) Dallas wins, yet there are calls outside the palace walls for the coach's head. King Jones says he is not stepping down anytime soon, though.
  
• 20 (17) Houston (55 proof, 2-3) Go ahead, make a prediction of what this yo-yo team is going to do against Cincinnati Sunday. I dare ya.
• 21 (25) Seattle (50 proof, 2-3) Wow, after being dismantled by Seahawks Sunday, the battered Jaguars were forced to watch the movie "Mora, Mora, Mora" on flight home.

ROT GUT

• 22 (16) Jacksonville (45 proof, 2-3) How bad is it when a team loses 41-0 and could still beat the 10 teams below it?
• 23 (23) Carolina (43 proof, 1-3) With upcoming games against Tampa Bay and Buffalo, the Panthers are on their way to becoming the worst 3-3 team in football.
• 24 (27) Detroit (38 proof, 1-4) Things are so bad in the Motor City, the Lions are actually considered progress.
• 25 (22) Washington (33 proof, 2-3) Whoops! When the Redskins beat the Chiefs Sunday, they will be the first worst 3-3 team in football. Sorry, Carolina.
  
• 26 (28) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-4) Word is Brady Quinn sold his house in Cleveland. Maybe he's not as stupid as we thought.
• 27 (24) Tennessee (27 proof, 0-5) What's that about it always being better to trade players a year too early than a year too late?
• 28 (26) Buffalo (25 proof, 1-4) You wouldn't trust Dick Jauron running water out to your Pop Warner team.
  
• 29 (29) Tampa Bay (23 proof, 0-5) Quick, name the Bucs' coach. Gotcha didn't we?
• 30 (30) Oakland (20 proof, 1-4) Coach Cable has finally resorted to beating himself up for this mess.
• 31 (31) Kansas City (19 proof, 0-5) Took the Cowboys to overtime yet never had a chance.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-5) Has a better than 50/50 shot at 0-16.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Toasting N.Y.; Texans just toast

Hopefully we built some trust around the Grill Room as Week 1 went pretty much the way we thought it would.

Sure, a couple of our 90-proofers had to go to the wire to knock down divisional foes, but weren't your meanest fights always against your best buddies?

Otherwise, free drinks for Jets fans. Your team made quite an impression on our bartenders. Strictly water for the wobbly Texans, who proved they can't handle the strong stuff.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) Pittsburgh (98 proof, 1-0) Survived a slugfest with the rough-house Titans, but this is not the same defense without Polamalu.
  
• 2 (2) Philadelphia (97 proof, 1-0) The Eagles are every bit as nasty as we thought they were, making plays all over the field. McNabb's hurt. What else is new? And throwing the rock and trying FGs with a 4-TD lead deep in the 4th quarter will get you run from the GR. Show some manners, Andy.
  
• 3 (3) N.Y. Giants (95 proof, 1-0) This is just the 2008 squad continued. Nothing flashy, no weaknesses, but more depth.
  
• 4 (4) New England (93 proof, 1-0) This is why Tom Terrific is one of the best of all time. The O-line has some issues, though. Paltry 3.2-yd.-per-carry rushing average won't get it done.
  
• 5 (5) San Diego (91 proof, 1-0) Used to be the Raiders' slogan was, "Just win, baby." Win is about all the Bolts did here. They were pushed around by Oakland most of the night giving up 148 yds. on the ground.
• 6 (7) Tennessee (90 proof, 0-1) The Giants of the AFC.
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 7 (6) Indianapolis (85 proof, 1-0) After Wayne, Manning's targets are limited, but we like the way the Colts defense got physical against the Jags.
  
• 8 (8) Minnesota (83 proof, 1-0) If this team sticks with this winning recipe: Heavy dose of Peterson with a touch of Favre, it can go places.
  
• 9 (9) Dallas (80 proof, 1-0) Owens exits and big plays arrive -- just as Jerry thought, eh? Let's see what 'Boys do against a Giant team that won't forget to cover the deep ball.
• 10 (11) Atlanta (78 proof, 1-0) Looks like the Gonzalez signing was every bit as nifty as everybody said it was. Falcon defense completely caged the Fish's Wildcat.
• 11 (13) New Orleans (74 proof, 1-0) The GR is old-timey when it comes to its football: Defense wins championships, got it? But, geesh, just a little defense could take Brees' Saints a long way. Big test against Philly this weekend.
• 12 (16) Green Bay (70 proof, 1-0) We're still not as bonkers as many so-called experts are about this squad, but no other team deserves this spot. O-Line better patch holes.
  
• 13 (18) Baltimore (69 proof, 1-0) Underestimated Jersey Joe Flacco (26/43, 307 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT) around the GR. The dude can stand in there and flat chuck it. The Ravens proved they are certainly worth a shot, or two.
  

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (20) San Francisco (67 proof, 1-0) We like Mike even more in the GR after his upstart squad battered Cards' QB Warner, and made just enough plays to win ugly.
  
• 15 (14) Chicago (66 proof, 0-1) Cutler showed off his big arm and hit open Packer DBs repeatedly in 21-15 loss. No rest for the weenie Sunday when the No. 1 Steelers come to town.
• 16 (23) N.Y. Jets (65 proof, 1-0) Yeah, Sanchez was ultra-cool in the pocket for a rook, but Rex Ryan's defense positively buried the Texans. The Jets zoom up to No. 16.
• 17 (22) Seattle (62 proof, 1-0) QB Hasselbeck dinked and dunked the Rams to death, and RB Jones (19-117 yds.) kept the Rams' D honest. Big test coming Sunday in SF.

CHEAP STUFF

• 18 (10) Arizona (60 proof, 0-1) The GR paid respect to the NFC champs last week, and this is what it got for it. The Cards better muster a running game, or Warner might die this year.
• 19 (19) Washington (56 proof, 0-1) The Redskins are what we thought they were, and QB Campbell is who the 'Skins thought he was when they tried to trade for a QB this year.
• 20 (25) Jacksonville (53 proof, 0-1) The Jags played the Colts to the wire on the road, and lost. This could be a theme this year for a team that doesn't make big plays.

ROT GUT

• 21 (28) Denver (49 proof, 1-0) Must pay due deference to miracles in the GR.
• 22 (24) Buffalo (47 proof, 0-1) How long before T.O. starts crying?
• 23 (17) Cincinnati (45 proof, 0-1) Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.
• 24 (26) Oakland (42 proof, 0-1) Out-gained Chargers on ground 2-to-1.
• 25 (15) Carolina (40 proof, 0-1) Last week we said: "Delhomme just seems finished to us." This is why you watch your football in the GR.
  
• 26 (12) Houston (39 proof, 0-1) This is how employees get fired at the GR. No. 12?! Bleh!
• 27 (21) Miami (38 proof, 0-1) No offense, but some dude named Bess led the WR corps.
• 28 (29) Tampa Bay (36 proof, 0-1) Actually rolled up 174 yds. on ground against 'Boys.
• 29 (31) Kansas City (34 proof, 0-1) We suppose taking the game deep into the 4th quarter against the Ravens counts for something.
• 30 (30) Cleveland (32 proof, 0-1) They are what we thought they were -- awful.
• 31 (27) St. Louis (29 proof, 0-1) Coach Spags better learn how to coach some offense quick.
• 32 (32) Detroit (25 proof, 0-1) Uh-uh, no climbing out of the cellar until you actually prove you can win a game again in the NFL.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

It's Pittsburgh with a Philly chaser

After clearing the joint last night, our bartenders knocked back the good hooch and set about putting together our inaugural NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS.

Why bartenders, you ask? Because in all of your life, and all the people you've ever known, have any of them, even once, made more sense than a bartender?

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1) Pittsburgh (100 proof) The Grill Room subscribes to the thinking that the champ is the champ until proven otherwise. Plus, Pittsburgh runs the best organization in football.
• 2) Philadelphia (94 proof) This is a nasty team, and the controversial Vick signing signals that they are all-in this year for a title. Better be, because the window's closing fast.
• 3) N.Y. Giants (93 proof) Who does Eli Manning throw to? Otherwise, the best combined O- and D-lines in football keep the Giants in the hunt for the promised land.
• 4) New England (91 proof) Were No. 2 until dumping Seymour. Know Belichick's a genius and all, but hard to see how giving up your best defensive player makes any sense.
• 5) San Diego (90 proof) Despite coach Norv Turner, but because the Chargers are loaded on both sides of the ball. Need to stay away from Tequila, though.
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 6) Indianapolis (83 proof) Big falloff between No. 5 and 6, but Manning's still around, and the schedule is reasonable. Even catch their nemesis Patsies at home this year.
  
• 7) Tennessee (82 proof) Because Jeff Fisher is the GR's favorite coach. The dude gets every bit of talent out of his hard-nosed squad year in and year out. How long can Collins keep chucking it, though?
• 8) Minnesota (80 proof) We're buying this team's chances. All Favre has to do is make a couple of big plays each game and hand the ball to his magnificent RBs. The defense is mean.
  
• 9) Dallas (77 proof) You either like the Cowboys or you hate them. We hate them in the GR. Maybe in a year when nobody is licking their boots, the 'boys can step up and actually do something?
• 10) Arizona (74 proof) Because the GR subscribes to the thinking that the Super Bowl loser has to be in the Top 10 until proven otherwise. How long can Warner go on?
• 11) Atlanta (72 proof) Another squad we're buying. The Gonzalez pickup made too much sense. Coach Smith also seems to be the real deal.
  

WATERED DOWN

• 12) Houston (69 proof) If the season ended now, they'd be in the playoffs with this ranking. Schaub must somehow stay healthy, though.
• 13) New Orleans (68 proof) This team reminds us a lot of the Chargers in the 80s. All O and no D. But, dang, they got plenty of O, and the best QB in the conference.
• 14) Chicago (66 proof) The bouncers at the GR would run Cutler and his big mouth in a minute. Let's see what happens if he struggles early and has some real press to deal with.
• 15) Carolina (64 proof) Not sure why we are showing so little love for this squad. Call it bartender's instinct. Delhomme just seems finished to us.
• 16) Green Bay (62 proof) Suddenly every one's designer pick. If defensive wizard Dom Capers can work his magic with this defense, we'll get on board with the hype. Until and if...
• 17) Cincinnati (59 proof) Yeah, a bit of surprise but if QB Palmer's back and healthy, and if the 12th-ranked defense from a year ago keeps stepping up, this team could surprise. Shut up, Chad.

CHEAP STUFF

• 18) Baltimore (58 proof) LB Scott, gone. WR Mason, gone. D-Coach Ryan, gone. Playoff chances, gone.
• 19) Washington (56 proof) Too bad they play in the toughest division in football. Too bad Dan Snyder's their owner.
• 20) San Francisco (54 proof) We like Mike in the GR. Coach Singletary will have this squad playing hard...or else.
  

ROT GUT

• 21) Miami
• 22) Seattle
• 23) N.Y. Jets
• 24) Buffalo
• 25) Jacksonville
• 26) Oakland
• 27) St. Louis
• 28) Denver
• 29) Tampa Bay
• 30) Cleveland
• 31) Kansas City
• 32) Detroit