Showdown Sunday in New Orleans

The table is set, and for the first time in the Grill Room's short but storied history, the top two teams in our NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS are bubbling over and ready to uncork what they've been bottling in order to see which team is made of the strongest stuff.

And though it's oh-so tempting to continue pouring out an endless stream of metaphors to set up what's on tap in this 100-proof matchup, we'll just call for the tab, and point out how appropriate it is that the showdown between the No. 1 Giants and No. 2 Saints is in New Orleans.

Let's pop the keg on this baby already! Er, sorry...

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) N.Y. Giants (99 proof, 5-0) Nobody plays the the Rodney Dangerfield card better than this club. Saints should beware of falling chips as Giants shoulder rough-and-tumble burden of getting so little respect.
• 2 (2) New Orleans (96 proof, 4-0) Beat back Buddy boy's Jets two weeks ago, but N.J.'s varsity squad visits Sunday.
• 3 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Quick, besides Reggie Wayne name another Colt WR. That's what we figured. No matter, Peyton could throw to John Wayne and put up monster numbers.
• 4 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 5-0) For the first time in decades, the Vikes are beginning to look like a squad you can trust week in and week out -- except for the 40-year-old QB, what's-his-name. Beware the hamstring...
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 5 (7) Philadelphia (88 proof, 3-1) Visit Oakland this week, and will try to duck in a football game if they can find an NFL club out there.
• 6 (10) Atlanta (87 proof, 3-1) Whoa! That was some very strong stuff the Falcons laid on Mike's 49ers Sunday. Coach Singletary not only blinked, he flinched.
  
• 7 (9) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 3-2) Polamalu, Parker practicing picture-perfect for Pittsburgh. Sorry.
• 8 (11) Denver (83 proof, 5-0) Broncos' McDaniels out-coaches protege Belichick, then celebrates like one of his children. How adorable.
  
• 9 (5) New England (82 proof, 3-2) Brady is missing more open guys than Barney Frank.
• 10 (14) Cincinnati (80 proof, 4-1) Bengals one Bronco miracle win from being 5-0, three nail-biters from being 1-4, but we're pouring this one half-full in the Grill Room, because...
  
• 11 (6) Baltimore (78 proof, 3-2) ...the proud Ravens were knocked flat on their backs by RB Benson and the Bengals. Will taste real ground beef in Adrian Peterson this week.
  
• 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-1) Better buckle their chin straps extra tight for road tilt against Atlanta Sunday.
• 13 (8) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Get a bye week to lick their wounds after being a serious victim of 'roll reversal' in 45-10 pounding at hands of Falcons.

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (13) N.Y. Jets (72 proof, 3-2) Their two-game skid was all so predictable for these big-talking bullies. Unfortunately, games coming up against the pathetic Bills and Raiders will only bring on laryngitis.
• 15 (16) San Diego (71 proof, 2-2) We'll say the team that Norv built will hand Denver its first loss when it comes visiting Monday night.
• 16 (21) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) OK, this is getting freaky. Not only does the Dolphins' coach have a name that sounds like Tony Soprano, he dresses like him! Did you see that outfit Monday night?! Fageddaboudit...
  
• 17 (20) Arizona (68 proof, 2-2) Last week we said: Took the bye week to decide whether to just quit, relax and enjoy the sun, or play on. They get one more week to make up their stinkin' minds.
  

CHEAP STUFF

• 18 (19) Green Bay (62 proof, 2-2) Hopefully they used the week off to shop for a real offensive line.
  
• 19 (19) Dallas (57 proof, 3-2) Dallas wins, yet there are calls outside the palace walls for the coach's head. King Jones says he is not stepping down anytime soon, though.
  
• 20 (17) Houston (55 proof, 2-3) Go ahead, make a prediction of what this yo-yo team is going to do against Cincinnati Sunday. I dare ya.
• 21 (25) Seattle (50 proof, 2-3) Wow, after being dismantled by Seahawks Sunday, the battered Jaguars were forced to watch the movie "Mora, Mora, Mora" on flight home.

ROT GUT

• 22 (16) Jacksonville (45 proof, 2-3) How bad is it when a team loses 41-0 and could still beat the 10 teams below it?
• 23 (23) Carolina (43 proof, 1-3) With upcoming games against Tampa Bay and Buffalo, the Panthers are on their way to becoming the worst 3-3 team in football.
• 24 (27) Detroit (38 proof, 1-4) Things are so bad in the Motor City, the Lions are actually considered progress.
• 25 (22) Washington (33 proof, 2-3) Whoops! When the Redskins beat the Chiefs Sunday, they will be the first worst 3-3 team in football. Sorry, Carolina.
  
• 26 (28) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-4) Word is Brady Quinn sold his house in Cleveland. Maybe he's not as stupid as we thought.
• 27 (24) Tennessee (27 proof, 0-5) What's that about it always being better to trade players a year too early than a year too late?
• 28 (26) Buffalo (25 proof, 1-4) You wouldn't trust Dick Jauron running water out to your Pop Warner team.
  
• 29 (29) Tampa Bay (23 proof, 0-5) Quick, name the Bucs' coach. Gotcha didn't we?
• 30 (30) Oakland (20 proof, 1-4) Coach Cable has finally resorted to beating himself up for this mess.
• 31 (31) Kansas City (19 proof, 0-5) Took the Cowboys to overtime yet never had a chance.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-5) Has a better than 50/50 shot at 0-16.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Picks, Peterson, Pfungstadter and Polamalu

It's Football Friday in the Grill Room, but we're still cleaning up around here following this morning's dandy of an NFL season-opener.

It wasn't always pretty, but the Pittsburgh Steelers, rated No. 1 in the Grill Room's NFL 100- PROOF RANKINGS, knocked off the No. 7 Tennessee Titans, 13-10, in overtime.

It seems the only folks around these parts that weren't ready for some football were the Polizei. They'll tell you they'd rather face the Russians in winter than deal with a drunken, raucous, mostly American football crowd at 5 in the morning.

We were able to buy happiness for our neu gut freunds when we properly bribed Captain Heinrich and his gang with an all-the-Pfungstadter-they-can-drink-for-free offer. And let's get this out of the way now: Pfungstadter is the official bier of the GR.

Before setting the tables in the joint for this weekend's action, and rousting the good captain from his bier-induced coma, a quick assessment of this morning's opener brought to you by folks we mostly trust:

• CNN/SI's Don Banks tells us it's Big Ben's team this year.
• Chuck Finder leads his comprehensive notebook in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette with the latest word on all-world saftey Troy Polamalu's knee injury.
  
• Jim Wyatt of the once-great Tennessean says the Titans have themselves to blame for this morning's loss in his excellent write-up.
  

Take your pick
For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 1 action around the NFL brought to you by gangs who most likely know as much about the game as you do:
ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
FOX
bleacher report
CNN/SI

And some picks on the college football side:
CBS Sports
Sporting News

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Minnesota over Cleveland minus-3.5.
Cleveland is a team in disarray and No. 8 Minnesota wants to show it is ready to seriously challenge for a title this year. Forget all this talk about Brett Favre and Brady Quinn. The game will be settled on the sod. The Browns ranked 28th against the run last year while the Vikings featuring Adrian Peterson (photo above) ranked fifth. Look for the Vikes to pound away on the Browns all day and leave town with a 27-13 win.

Tape it up
Apparently the No. 2 Eagles have decided to list their whole squad on the latest NFL injury report, while the New York Post's Mike Puma tells us the Jets will likely be fined big for not listing Brett Favre on last year's report.

TV Time
If you can't stop by the Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:

Friday, Sept. 11
Colorado at Toledo, 9 p.m., ESPN
Saturday, Sept. 12
Fresno State at Wisconsin, Noon, ESPN
Central Michigan at Michigan State, Noon, ESPN2
Eastern Michigan at Northwestern, Noon, Big Ten Network
Iowa at Iowa State, Noon, FSN
Syracuse at Penn State, Noon, Big Ten Network
Western Michigan at Indiana, Noon, Big Ten Network
North Carolina at Connecticut, Noon, ESPNU
Duke at Army, Noon, ESPN Classic
Troy at Florida, 12:21 p.m., SEC Network
Notre Dame at Michigan, 3:30 p.m., ABC
BYU at Tulane, 3:30, ESPN2
Houston at Oklahoma State, 3:30 p.m., FSN
Louisiana Tech at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
TCU at Virginia, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Texas at Wyoming, 3:30 p.m., Versus
UCLA at Tennessee, 4 p.m., ESPN
South Carolina at Georgia, 7 p.m. ESPN2
Vanderbilt at LSU, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Air Force at Minnesota, 7 p.m., Big Ten Network
Illinois State at Illinois, 7 p.m., Big Ten Network
Kansas at UTEP, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Tulsa at New Mexico, 8 p.m., Mtn.
USC at Ohio State, 8 p.m., ESPN
Purdue at Oregon, 10:15 p.m., FSN
Utah at San Jose State, 10:30, ESPNU
Oregon State at UNLV, 11 p.m., CBS CSN

NFL:

Sunday, Sept. 13
Miami at Atlanta 1 p.m., FOX
Kansas City at Baltimore 1 p.m., CBS
Philadelphia at Carolina 1 p.m., FOX
Denver at Cincinnati 1 p.m., CBS
Minnesota at Cleveland 1 p.m., FOX
N.Y. Jets at Houston 1 p.m., CBS
Jacksonville at Indianapolis 1 p.m., CBS
Detroit at New Orleans 1 p.m., FOX
Dallas at Tampa Bay 1 p.m., FOX
San Francisco at Arizona 4:15 p.m., FOX
Washington at N.Y. Giants 4:15 p.m., FOX
St. Louis at Seattle 4:15 p.m., FOX
Chicago at Green Bay 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Sept. 14
Buffalo at New England 7 p.m., ESPN
San Diego at Oakland 10:15 p.m., ESPN
(All times EST)

• And finally...a wish on this the eighth anniversary of 9/11: May bin Laden's cave burn long enough to give the NYC Firefighters a chance to put it out. The staff at the Grill Room will never forget.

(Associated Press photo)