Eli says "I'm finished!" after crashing Jones' party

Conventional thinking got thrown for a loss around the NFL on Sunday when five of the top six teams in the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS went down in flames.

No matter, all that's true and blue about America still stands today after the N.Y. Football Giants went deep in the heart of Texas to christen Jerry Jones' billion-dollar death star by presenting him his fat head on a silver platter.

Giants' quarterback Eli Manning (330 yds, 2 TDs) got revenge against greedy oilmen for Eli's everywhere when he engineered a last-minute drive that resulted in Lawrence Tynes' game-winning, 37-yard FG as the clock expired.

After their 33-31 victory, the No. 3 Giants' were the only top team to survive an unpredictable day around the NFL.

With so much to chew on, we once again offer up platters of bountiful opinion from sports writers and columnists in every NFL city.

If you want baloney and cheese, turn on ESPN and skedaddle. But if you're brave enough to read the writing on the wall, pull up a chair and dig in, while we crack open the morning paper.

In the Grill Room, we still love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

TODAY'S MENU:

(3) N.Y. Giants 33
(9) Dallas 31

• Even Jones' billions can't buy a team that shoots straight...
• ...and the owner probably should choose his guests more wisely.
  

(16) N.Y. Jets 16
(4) New England 9

• Last week the Jets did the talking. On Sunday they did the walking -- all over the Patsies.
• The Patriots are what they are: in trouble.
  

(10) Atlanta 28
(25) Carolina 20

• The high-flying Falcons still have everything to prove -- to themselves.
• Panthers now counting consolation prizes, not wins.
  

(23) Cincinnati 31
(12) Green Bay 24

• Cincinnati took off the kid gloves Sunday, and played like a bunch of grown-ups.
• Maybe the Packers should push the panic button...if they can find it.

(26) Houston 34
(6) Tennessee 31

• A Texas-sized question: Who are these guys, anyway?
• Titans players bump into each other while trying escape that dark cloud.

(8) Minnesota 27
(32) Detroit 13

• Favre only too happy to hand the ball and spotlight to Peterson.
• Rookie Stafford only too happy to throw the ball to the opponent.

(18) Arizona 31
(20) Jacksonville 17

• The Cardinals felt the heat and frolicked in the Sunshine State.
• Local fans can be thankful they were left in the dark.

(11) New Orleans 48
(2) Philadelphia 22

• Saints' decision to play smart knocked Philly senseless.
• Don't put the blame on QB Kolb, as Eagle defense rests.

(24) Oakland 13
(29) Kansas City 10

• For Raiders, winning ugly sure beats the putrid losses of the past.
• Incompetent Chiefs' coach should fire himself.

(19) Washington 9
(31) St. Louis 7

• Zorn's allergy to the end zone could be a real career-killer.
• Rams' growing pains start in the brain.

(22) Buffalo 33
(28) Tampa Bay 20

• The Bills finally ordered up some home cooking and it only cost them a few Bucs.
• No telling where Tampa Bay might cash its first win.

(14) San Francisco 23
(17) Seattle 10

• San Francisco gets defensive with ID check.
• These birds continue to drop like flies.

(15) Chicago 17
(1) Pittsburgh 14

• This version of Cutler so much easier to Bear.
• Steelers kicking themselves after latest Chicago disaster.

(13) Baltimore 31
(5) San Diego 26

• The Ravens have a secondary concern after short-circuiting Bolts.
• San Diego pays the price for going in the red.

(21) Denver 27
(30) Cleveland 6

• Broncos' defensive line comes up big -- and short.
• Browns' demise is the story of a man named Brady.

(*) Denotes the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKING
(Star-Telegram photo)

Week 1 perspective served cold

Because we know you come here to "satisfy your appetite for attitude," each week the staff at the Grill Room will put together a Monday Menu featuring the finest opinion from the demons of deadline -- sports writers and columnists in every NFL city.

Our menu of choice cuts will offer you spicy perspective on Sunday's winning and losing teams.

If you want baloney and cheese, turn on ESPN and skedaddle. But if you're brave enough to read the writing on the wall, pull up a chair and dig in, while we crack open the morning paper.

In the Grill Room, we still love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

TODAY'S MENU:

(11) Atlanta 19
(21) Miami 7

• The Falcons are still flying high after winging their way into the playoffs a year ago.
• The smell of stinky fish littered the Georgia Dome Sunday. At least the bus left on time.
  

(18) Baltimore 38
(31) Kansas City 24

• QB Joe Flacco was Heaping praise Sunday on one of the Ravens most reliable veterans.
• The good, the bad, and the ugly: Kansas City was tough to figure after its roller-coaster loss to the Ravens.
  

(2) Philadelphia 38
(15) Carolina 10

• The Eagles were soaring on Sunday, until QB McNabb's injury brought them closer to earth.
• This Fox better get sly quick, if he wants to continue guarding his hen house.
  

(28) Denver 12
(17) Cincinnati 7

• The Broncos were shouting, "Amen!" Sunday after their prayers were answered in the final seconds
• The hapless Bengals topped even themselves with this beauty of a loss.
  

(8) Minnesota 34
(30) Cleveland 20

• The Vikings were playing Brian's song in their rout of the Browns on Sunday.
• Cleveland will tell you that Viking RB Adrian Peterson's performance was just sickening.
  

(23) N.Y. Jets 24
(12) Houston 7

• Rookie QM Mark Sanchez looked like a working Joe in his dandy debut.
• It's Ground Hog Day in Houston, where they've seen plenty of bad beginnings.
  

(6) Indianapolis 14
(25) Jacksonville 12

• Rookie coach Jim Caldwell proved Sunday he is the Colts' decider.
• Fact is, the Jaguars' one-man attack remains offensive.
  

(13) New Orleans 45
(32) Detroit 27

• QB Brees led his Saints to sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths...against the beleaguered Lion defense.
• QB Stafford shows all hope isn't lost, even if his new team just keeps losing.
  

(9) Dallas 34
(29) Tampa Bay 21

• Wonder Boy returns with some neat, new weapons.
• The Bucs have big problems, but quitting isn't one of them.
  

(20) San Francisco 20
(10) Arizona 16

• The 49ers showed they are prepared to be like Mike.
• San Francisco's play in the fourth quarter leaves Warner at the bottom of Hill.
  

(3) N.Y. Giants 23
(19) Washington 17

• Osi what the Giants have assembled on the defensive front.
• Haynesworth a 350-pound bust in opener.
  

(22) Seattle 28
(27) St. Louis 0

• Mora less, this guy's cool.
• Spags out to make his new team Ram-tough.
  

(16) Green Bay 21
(14) Chicago 15

• Packers expect more this year and get it.
• Cutler's (pictured) mouth is hard to Bear.
  

(*) Denotes the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKING

(Associated Press photo)