Even though the power's out at the base station, the Grill Room is open for business with the singular goal, as always, of satisfying your appetite for attitude. We got an old-school work ethic around this joint...
Hell, our bartenders looked adversity in the eye, cranked up the emergency generators, knocked back a couple of bottles of Beefeater, and set about putting together our exclusive NFL 100-proof rankings just like we do every Wednesday.
And that's why you come here, for a straight shot of 100-proof truth.
We pander to nobody around here, though last week we did go out on a limb, thinking one of the two or three best franchises in football could handle our trust, and what Cincinnati was serving on the road. Well, turns out the Steelers got all wobbly-kneed in the fourth quarter, and fell on their face, so our bouncers had to toss Coach Tomlin and his light-weights out onto the road to redemption.
See? We clean up our messes around here.
That said, the Big Blue Wrecking Crew held on to the top spot after demolishing impotent Tampa Bay on the road, while Bal'more showed why they would be the Giants' match in the Super Bowl if the season ended today by demolishing the Clowns from Cleveland.
Prost!
THE STRONG STUFF
1 (1) N.Y. Giants(99 proof, 3-0) Stop the run, they pass. Stop the pass, they run. Throw in a defense that is making the move from solid to dominating, and you have the most dependable team in the league right now.
2 (3) Baltimore(97 proof, 3-0) Have a chance to make a serious statement about who's really the class of the AFC when they visit New England Sunday.
3 (4) New Orleans(96 proof, 3-0) Passed another test when they had trouble passing in Buffalo last week, yet still managed to roll big.
4 (5) Indianapolis (93 proof, 3-0) Peyton Manning is the best player in the NFL right now, though their best defensive player, Dwight Freeney, is down and out for a couple of weeks.
WORTH A SHOT
5 (7) Minnesota(89 proof, 3-0) Brett Favre did what he's best at in a miraculous win over the 49ers. Will he start doing what he's second-best at and throw it to his old buddies when the Packers come calling Monday night?
6 (8) N.Y. Jets (88 proof, 3-0) Buddy boys' team made the most of Tennessee's fumbling special teams and did what, gulp, good teams do -- capitalized. Next up: New Orleans. That'll be a beauty.
7(9) Philadelphia (87 proof, 2-1) Andy Reid will endure ridiculous Week 4 bye figuring out how in the heck he is going to keep his three-headed QB monster from eating itself.
8 (10) New England(85 proof, 2-1) Clipped pretender Falcons' wings last Sunday, but will run into a more ornery group of birds when the Ravens dive into town this weekend.
9 (12) San Francisco(83 proof, 2-1) Tough, mean, stubborn, but a bit stupid. It's all part of the learning curve for Coach Mike's 49ers.
10 (11) San Diego(82 proof, 2-1) Tough team to figure, but figure they lose to a desperate Steelers team Sunday night.
11 (6) Atlanta(81 proof, 2-1) Were run from the GR when they were found carrying ID card stamped "legitimate contender" on it. Get the bye week to work on their credentials.
12 (13) Chicago(80 proof, 2-1) Two straight weeks opposing kickers failed to boot the Bears, and for two straight weeks the Bears capitalized like No. 6 Buddy boys' team.
13 (17) Cincinnati (79 proof, 2-1) This is the team we thought they were around here when the season started. That's why you trust what we serve you in the GR.
WATERED DOWN
14 (14) Dallas(77 proof, 2-1) Is anybody trusting what Jerry's 'Boys are serving us right now?
15 (18) Green Bay(74 proof, 2-1) A team in search of an identity will see a glimpse of its old self when Favre huddles with the Vikes. Will they like what they see?
16 (2) Pittsburgh(73 proof, 1-2) If getting bounced from the GR doesn't wake you up, nothing will. Oh yeah, and third-place in the division should be another eye-opener.
17 (21) Denver (70 proof, 3-0) Save it, Broncos' fans. Your team is average and you know it. Want to make a statement that'll earn you a running tab around here? Buck the 'Boys on Sunday.
CHEAP STUFF
18 (22) Seattle (65 proof, 1-2) So the coach is blaming the kicker for missing two of six kicks Sunday. Try stuffing the ball in the end zone and piping down, pal.
19 (19) Tennessee (63 proof, 0-3) If Tennessee doesn't clean up their nasty special teams play, and take Jacksonville this week, they're on bread and water for the rest of the year.
20 (15) Arizona(61 proof, 1-2) Arizona gets a week off to reminisce about what it was like to be good for a five-week stretch last year, and how nice it is to be back to being rotten again. Ahhh, home.
ROT GUT
21 (30) Jacksonville (56 proof, 1-2) Butter-fingered Titans come to town Sunday, but will Jags be finger-lickin' good?
22 (16) Houston (54 proof, 1-2) We'll stick with the Texans one more week and send the Raiders their way to help 'em feel good about themselves again.
23 (23) Buffalo (50 proof, 1-2) Forget big mouth T.O. Coach Dick Jauron plus QB Trent Edwards equals awful.
24 (25) Carolina (45 proof, 0-3) Had a chance to right your season and wrong Jerry's 'Boys, and you blew both. You certainly didn't earn your week off, Panthers.
25 (32) Detroit (40 proof, 1-2) Finally, Detroit gets even with Washington. Can't put all that poetic justice into words.
26 (24) Miami (38 proof, 0-3) Expect QB Henne to be benched Sunday against Bills and Pat White to come in and shine.
27 (20) Washington(35 proof, 1-2) Has there ever been a team that is more emblematic of the city it represents?
28 (27) Kansas City (33 proof, 0-3) No. 1 Giants come knocking Sunday. Doh!
29 (26) Oakland (30 proof, 1-2) Spent more time last week girding for Rich Gannon than they did the Broncos.
30 (29) St. Louis (25 proof, 0-3) This team stinks.
31 (28) Tampa Bay (22 proof, 0-3) This team really, really stinks.
32 (31) Cleveland (19 proof, 0-3) This team really, really, really...
We're fully expecting a rowdy crowd around the Grill Room this week because we've put the 1-1 Steelers in the No. 2 position in the NFL 100-proof rankings.
But before you start any trouble and get bounced from the joint, shut up and listen: First, we don't genuflect to upstart squads like so many of the knuckleheads that put together their weekly rankings. Yeah, the Jets are a surprising 2-0, but with a rookie QB at the helm, and a coach whose mouth attracts flies and more and more enemies each week, it is hard to see them beating any of the teams ranked above them if matched in, say, Omaha or something.
And that last part's key, pally. Our bartenders base their rankings on what a team would do when matched up against any other team that Sunday on a neutral field.
So, big shot, how much would you bet right now against the Steelers if they took on any of the other teams below them on that Omaha field? Come on, how much? Think Baltimore'd take 'em? Do you really have that much confidence yet in the Saints? How 'bout the Colts? The Jets...?!
Yeah, thought so. Not talking so big now, are ya?
Look, somebody's gotta make the tough calls and rein in all the insanity among the so-called NFL prognosticators out there. It ain't easy being us.
But, hey, fagedaboudit, we're all friends here, right?
Prost!
THE STRONG STUFF
1 (3) N.Y. Giants(98 proof, 2-0) The Giants' version of "Shock and awwwwwww..." did more to restore our faith in America than Obama after Eli's aerial bombardment of Jerry's Evil Empire on national TV.
2 (1) Pittsburgh(95 proof, 1-1) Once more: Yes, they have a loss; yes, many other teams don't; no, none of them beat Pittsburgh on a neutral field.
3 (13) Baltimore(94 proof, 2-0) OK, we're sold.
4 (11) New Orleans(93 proof, 2-0) Still wonder how "The Most Offensive Show on Earth" plays when football weather comes blowing in, but walloping Philadelphia, 48-22, at The Stink any time of year is mighty strong.
WORTH A SHOT
5 (7) Indianapolis (89 proof, 2-0) The elder Manning and his Colts perform a mathematical miracle, and throw conventional wisdom for a loss when they beat Miami by running only 35 plays to the Dolphins' 84, and hold the ball for 14:53 to the Dolphins' 45:07.
6 (10) Atlanta(88 proof, 2-0) We're not seeing any holes in this squad. However, they'll be carded at the door Sunday when they visit New England to see if they are legitimate.
7 (8) Minnesota(87 proof, 2-0) Enthusiasm should be curbed a bit with wins over awful Cleveland and Detroit. Let's see how they handle the punch in the mouth they're sure to get when Singletary's roughnecks come calling Sunday.
8 (16) N.Y. Jets (85 proof, 2-0) Backed up trash talk with a demon-exorcising win over the hated Patsies. But how long can this rowdy group back up Buddy boy's big mouth? A desperate Titans squad comes knocking with brass knuckles Sunday...
9 (2) Philadelphia (84 proof, 1-1) That didn't take long...A week after the GR warned Coach Reid about running it up on a thoroughly beaten opponent, the Saints came marching into Philly to beat some manners into him.
10 (4) New England(83 proof, 1-1) If Belichick can round this no-name group into form by season's end, Lombardi's got nothing on him. Brady or no Brady, this squad's in trouble.
11 (5) San Diego(82 proof, 1-1) Norv finally calls a running play and Ray Lewis swallows it whole. Huge play by great player against average coach.
12 (14) San Francisco(80 proof, 2-0) Coach Mike and his rough-and-ready 49ers are welcome at the Grill Room anytime. Seattle's still picking up pieces of itself off the turf of Monster Park.
WATERED DOWN
13 (15) Chicago(78 proof, 1-1) Grudging kudos to QB Cutler, who grudgingly took what the Steelers gave him. Nobody was a bigger giver than Steeler kicker Jeff Reed, though.
14 (9) Dallas(74 proof, 1-1) So Cowboys' fans, whataya think of Romo and your nose-drilling owner now?
15 (18) Arizona(72 proof, 1-1) A game plan's goal which was to keep QB Warner alive for another week by chucking it quick resulted in a statistical thing of beauty. Yes, 24-of-26 is mighty spiffy, but the longest completion went for 22 yards.
CHEAP STUFF
16 (26) Houston (70 proof, 1-1) Took this squad one week to renew our faith in 'em. Stood in for 60 minutes against a tough-as-nails Titans' squad on the road.
17 (23) Cincinnati (69 proof, 1-1) Another squad that went a long way in restoring our belief in 'em around here after big road win in Green Bay.
18 (12) Green Bay(67 proof, 1-1) This is one team we've been right about from the start. In the land of cheese, Swiss won't cut it for an offensive line.
19 (6) Tennessee (65 proof, 0-2) Far too early for a team of this caliber to be put in a desperate situation. But desperate is what they are heading to N.J. to take on Buddy boy's big-talking Jets.
20 (19) Washington(62 proof, 1-1) We repeat: The Redskins are what we thought they were, and QB Campbell is who the 'Skins thought he was when they tried to trade for a QB this year.
21 (21) Denver (58 proof, 2-0) The consolation prize for being the worst 2-0 team in football is being moved off the 'Rot Gut' shelf in the GR.
ROT GUT
22 (17) Seattle (55 proof, 1-1) Matt Hasselbeck's hurt again, and Chicago's coming to town. Oh-oh...
23 (22) Buffalo (54 proof, 1-1) Bills are praying for Buffalo weather when Saints march in Sunday.
24 (27) Miami (51 proof, 0-2) Never has a team done so much to lose by so little. Loss to Colts will haunt them for rest of the year.
25 (25) Carolina (48 proof, 0-2) Panthers get a chance to finish off Jerry, and restore hope with a win Monday night.
26 (24) Oakland (42 proof, 1-1) Stealing is one way to get wins...
27 (29) Kansas City (40 proof, 0-2) ...when you are playing a team so intent on throwing the game away.
28 (28) Tampa Bay (36 proof, 0-2) It gets worse, No. 1 Giants come visiting Sunday.
29 (31) St. Louis (33 proof, 0-2) Seven points in two games for Rams.
30 (20) Jacksonville (32 proof, 0-2) How can you start so poorly in home-opener?
31 (30) Cleveland (31 proof, 0-2) Cancel this story about a man named Brady.
32 (32) Detroit (25 proof, 0-2) Thankfully, a TV blackout looms Sunday for Lions' fans.
