Showdown Sunday in New Orleans

The table is set, and for the first time in the Grill Room's short but storied history, the top two teams in our NFL 100-PROOF RANKINGS are bubbling over and ready to uncork what they've been bottling in order to see which team is made of the strongest stuff.

And though it's oh-so tempting to continue pouring out an endless stream of metaphors to set up what's on tap in this 100-proof matchup, we'll just call for the tab, and point out how appropriate it is that the showdown between the No. 1 Giants and No. 2 Saints is in New Orleans.

Let's pop the keg on this baby already! Er, sorry...

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

• 1 (1) N.Y. Giants (99 proof, 5-0) Nobody plays the the Rodney Dangerfield card better than this club. Saints should beware of falling chips as Giants shoulder rough-and-tumble burden of getting so little respect.
• 2 (2) New Orleans (96 proof, 4-0) Beat back Buddy boy's Jets two weeks ago, but N.J.'s varsity squad visits Sunday.
• 3 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Quick, besides Reggie Wayne name another Colt WR. That's what we figured. No matter, Peyton could throw to John Wayne and put up monster numbers.
• 4 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 5-0) For the first time in decades, the Vikes are beginning to look like a squad you can trust week in and week out -- except for the 40-year-old QB, what's-his-name. Beware the hamstring...
  

WORTH A SHOT

• 5 (7) Philadelphia (88 proof, 3-1) Visit Oakland this week, and will try to duck in a football game if they can find an NFL club out there.
• 6 (10) Atlanta (87 proof, 3-1) Whoa! That was some very strong stuff the Falcons laid on Mike's 49ers Sunday. Coach Singletary not only blinked, he flinched.
  
• 7 (9) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 3-2) Polamalu, Parker practicing picture-perfect for Pittsburgh. Sorry.
• 8 (11) Denver (83 proof, 5-0) Broncos' McDaniels out-coaches protege Belichick, then celebrates like one of his children. How adorable.
  
• 9 (5) New England (82 proof, 3-2) Brady is missing more open guys than Barney Frank.
• 10 (14) Cincinnati (80 proof, 4-1) Bengals one Bronco miracle win from being 5-0, three nail-biters from being 1-4, but we're pouring this one half-full in the Grill Room, because...
  
• 11 (6) Baltimore (78 proof, 3-2) ...the proud Ravens were knocked flat on their backs by RB Benson and the Bengals. Will taste real ground beef in Adrian Peterson this week.
  
• 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-1) Better buckle their chin straps extra tight for road tilt against Atlanta Sunday.
• 13 (8) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Get a bye week to lick their wounds after being a serious victim of 'roll reversal' in 45-10 pounding at hands of Falcons.

WATERED DOWN

• 14 (13) N.Y. Jets (72 proof, 3-2) Their two-game skid was all so predictable for these big-talking bullies. Unfortunately, games coming up against the pathetic Bills and Raiders will only bring on laryngitis.
• 15 (16) San Diego (71 proof, 2-2) We'll say the team that Norv built will hand Denver its first loss when it comes visiting Monday night.
• 16 (21) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) OK, this is getting freaky. Not only does the Dolphins' coach have a name that sounds like Tony Soprano, he dresses like him! Did you see that outfit Monday night?! Fageddaboudit...
  
• 17 (20) Arizona (68 proof, 2-2) Last week we said: Took the bye week to decide whether to just quit, relax and enjoy the sun, or play on. They get one more week to make up their stinkin' minds.
  

CHEAP STUFF

• 18 (19) Green Bay (62 proof, 2-2) Hopefully they used the week off to shop for a real offensive line.
  
• 19 (19) Dallas (57 proof, 3-2) Dallas wins, yet there are calls outside the palace walls for the coach's head. King Jones says he is not stepping down anytime soon, though.
  
• 20 (17) Houston (55 proof, 2-3) Go ahead, make a prediction of what this yo-yo team is going to do against Cincinnati Sunday. I dare ya.
• 21 (25) Seattle (50 proof, 2-3) Wow, after being dismantled by Seahawks Sunday, the battered Jaguars were forced to watch the movie "Mora, Mora, Mora" on flight home.

ROT GUT

• 22 (16) Jacksonville (45 proof, 2-3) How bad is it when a team loses 41-0 and could still beat the 10 teams below it?
• 23 (23) Carolina (43 proof, 1-3) With upcoming games against Tampa Bay and Buffalo, the Panthers are on their way to becoming the worst 3-3 team in football.
• 24 (27) Detroit (38 proof, 1-4) Things are so bad in the Motor City, the Lions are actually considered progress.
• 25 (22) Washington (33 proof, 2-3) Whoops! When the Redskins beat the Chiefs Sunday, they will be the first worst 3-3 team in football. Sorry, Carolina.
  
• 26 (28) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-4) Word is Brady Quinn sold his house in Cleveland. Maybe he's not as stupid as we thought.
• 27 (24) Tennessee (27 proof, 0-5) What's that about it always being better to trade players a year too early than a year too late?
• 28 (26) Buffalo (25 proof, 1-4) You wouldn't trust Dick Jauron running water out to your Pop Warner team.
  
• 29 (29) Tampa Bay (23 proof, 0-5) Quick, name the Bucs' coach. Gotcha didn't we?
• 30 (30) Oakland (20 proof, 1-4) Coach Cable has finally resorted to beating himself up for this mess.
• 31 (31) Kansas City (19 proof, 0-5) Took the Cowboys to overtime yet never had a chance.
  
• 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-5) Has a better than 50/50 shot at 0-16.

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.