Saturday, October 31, 2009

Favre returns, jury awaits


Even though Brett Favre's return to Green Bay Sunday mercifully puts an end to what seems like 107 weeks of uber-hype, aren't you at least a little curious to see how it all plays out?

Don't you wonder how the salt-of-the-earth folks in Wisconsin will treat the man they once crowned their prince and savior? Because for all the good Favre did in Green Bay during his 16-year reign, is it possible he undid all of it, with his embarrassing, stuttering departure two years ago?

Understand that Green Bay was an NFL wasteland after the glory days of Vince Lombardi in the '60s. Between 1969 and 1991 the Packers had exactly five winning seasons, and appeared in the playoffs only twice.

Really, growing up and watching the once-great team's demise was a crime -- even if you weren't an ardent Packer-backer. Green Bay was the iconic team during the NFL's sonic rise in the 1960s.

The Packers represented all that was good about the sport, what with Lombardi manning the sidelines in his grey trench coat and fedora, a quarterback named Starr in command under center, and a Golden Boy named Paul Hornung running in the wake of the vaunted Packers' sweep.

Of course, all of this took place on the hallowed frozen tundra of Lambeau Field, under the gaze of their hearty fans, who breathed steam from behind their woolen ski masks, while supporting their team through the ice and cold.

The team's protracted fall in the '70s and '80s was like an endless Wisconsin winter.

Then Brett Favre arrived on the scene in 1992, like some comet.
Green Bay promptly rolled to a 9-7 record that year, and was on its way to becoming one of the dominant teams of the '90s.

The Packers ascent back to the top of the football world was complete when they won Super Bowl XXXI over Bill Parcells' Patriots.
The team promptly returned to the big game the very next year, when John Elway's somersault finally eclipsed all of those Favre-led Lambeau leaps, and pretty much ended Green Bay's short-lived, but welcome dominance.

Really, credit for Green Bay's turnaround should probably go first to general manager Ron Wolf, who in 1992 had the good sense to hire Mike Holmgren to lead the team. Holmgren then had the good sense to acquire Favre to run his offense.
And all three of them had the good sense to lasso the menacing Minister of Defense, Reggie White, the very next year, to form the final cornerstone of their mini-dynasty.

But, make no mistake about it, Favre was the seminal figure in Green Bay during this period of prosperity. No. 4 brought Green Bay back from the depths and to their rightful place on top of the NFL's burgeoning landscape. He never missed a game under center, and never lost the importance of what it meant to be Title Town's chosen son.

And when he thought he just couldn't hold the throne any longer, tears were shed, and he stepped down.

Then he didn't, and that's when the trouble started.
Favre's well-chronicled transition out of Green Bay was neither quick, quiet, nor classy.

After a rotten year with the Jets, Favre did it again and retired. And then he undid it again this summer, when he decided to give it another try with Green Bay rival, Minnesota.

When Favre trots onto Lambeau Field in a Vikings jersey Sunday, we'll find out if his legacy in Green Bay has been damaged beyond repair.

It's only fair that the Green Bay faithful decide this. And hopefully once and for all.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Lions-Rams: That '70s Show

When the St. Louis Rams take their sorry, 0-7 act on the road to stumble up against the almost-as-sorry, 1-5 Lions on Sunday, nostalgia will run as thick as the soot in the Motor City air.

St. Louis and Detroit...playing a meaningless mid-season football game...Shout it from the rooftops, friends, the NFL as we used to know it is back! Parity is dead, and a rebirth of the '70s is upon us!

All this harks to a time when our kids weren't too fat and our celebrities too thin; back when we actually believed the sludge which is Coors was a premium brew, if only because their boss told us it had water from the Rockies in it; back when newspapers were king and blogs were...well, they weren't.

Light up a smoke, close your eyes, and try to take a deep breath. Now open 'em. Pro football never looked so good, eh?

Once again we can take great comfort in knowing that when the Rams (of St. Louis Cardinals vintage), and the Lions of dependable Detroit bump up against our squad, a win is in the offing!
And when they bump into each other, well, another chapter of those wonderful NFL Follies won't be far behind.

Oh, for a short time, St. Louis of the Rams escaped its losing ways when they were quarterbacked by a guy named Warner and coached by a guy named Vermeil. They even ran an offense known as the "Greatest Show on Turf."
Thankfully, that act is long since dead, and now is some weird footnote in the annals of football history.

In fact, the Rams are so bad these days, NFL historians and are looking back over those glory years, to see if they really happened. Mysteriously, their alleged victory in Super Bowl XXXIV has vanished from the NFL Films archives altogether.
No, the city of St. Louis is back to ruining NFL franchises. Recently it even showed the masterful ability to make a martyr out of Rush Limbaugh, just for good measure.

Detroit, like the cars it produces, has proven to be a dependable loser for almost five decades now.

When a coach named Wayne Fontes threatened to turn them into something resembling winners in the early-'90s, Michiganders took great offense, and their unions acted swiftly and inappropriately, giving the guy a time-share next to Jimmy Hoffa.
Really, what ever happened to that dude? Fontes, we're talking about.

Last year, of course, the team outdid even itself and lost every single game it played. That misery finally ended this year, when President Obama sent his football team up there to bail 'em out with a win.
But there will be no big winning in Detroit. Even Obama can't handle that much change.

No, certain things must spin certain ways on this planet of ours, though must we be subjected to the indigestion that comes with watching the Lions play each and every Thanksgiving?

Ah, no matter. Things are starting to feel right again. If only the Saints would knock off this sudden penchant for winning we could really take a load off...

Take your pick

For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 8 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:
ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
CNN/SI
NBC
SportingNews
AP

College:
SportingNews
CBS Sports
NBC

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Arizona over Carolina, minus-8.5:
Well, last week we got back to serving dependable winners around here, when we recommended the angry, heavy favorite. The, Eagles, coming off their humiliating loss to the Raiders, were the choice to go into Washington and win with ease. They did, and now you are believing in us again.
Tampa, Washington and Kansas City all have an undeserved Sunday off, making the pickings a little more limited this time 'round.
So, this week we are going to offer up a happy, home favorite. The Arizona Cardinals have found some swagger and a swarming defense, while rolling to three straight wins. They are playing a confused, quarterback-less Carolina team, that somehow lost to Buffalo at home last week.
The Panthers fill out the anger part of our selection, but lose heavily to a Cardinal team that is three TDs better, 34-13.
Enjoy!
(Season record: 4-3)

Tape it up
  • To get the latest on all the aches and breaks around the NFL go here.
  • You don't think NFL players are crazy-tough? Take a look at this.
  • The No. 1 Saints take a major hit in backfield.
TV Time
If you can't stop by the
Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:
Friday, Oct. 30
West Virginia at South Florida, 8 p.m., ESPN2

Saturday, Oct. 31
Iowa at Indiana, Noon, ESPN
Purdue at Wisconsin, Noon, ESPN2
Mississippi at Auburn, Noon, SEC
New Mexico State at Ohio State, Noon, Big Ten Network
Cincinnati at Syracuse, Noon, ESPNU
Georgia vs. Florida at Jacksonville, Fla., 3:30 p.m., CBS
Miami at Wake Forest, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Kansas at Texas Tech, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Michigan at Illinois, 3:30 p.m., ABC
California at Arizona State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Central Michigan at Boston College, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Temple at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Air Force at Colorado State, 4 p.m., Mtn.
UNLV at TCU, 4 p.m., Versus
Penn State at Northwestern, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Eastern Michigan at Arkansas, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Washington State vs. Notre Dame at San Antonio, 7:30 p.m., NBC
New Mexico at San Diego State, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
South Carolina at Tennessee, 7:45 p.m., ESPN
Texas at Oklahoma State, 8 p.m., ABC
USC at Oregon, 8 p.m., ABC
Michigan State at Minnesota, 8 p.m., Big Ten Network
Wyoming at Utah, 8 p.m., Mtn.

Sunday, Nov. 1
Marshall at Central Florida, 8:15 p.m., ESPN

NFL:
Sunday, Nov. 1
(Byes: Cincinnati, Kansas City, New England, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, Washington)
Denver at Baltimore 1 p.m., CBS
Houston at Buffalo 1 p.m., CBS
Cleveland at Chicago 1 p.m., CBS
Seattle at Dallas 1 p.m., FOX
St. Louis at Detroit 1 p.m., FOX
Minnesota at Green Bay 1 p.m., FOX
San Francisco at Indianapolis 1 p.m.. FOX
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia 1 p.m., FOX
Miami at N.Y. Jets 1 p.m., CBS
Oakland at San Diego 4:05 p.m., CBS
Jacksonville at Tennessee 4:05 p.m., CBS
Minnesota at Green Bay 4:15 p.m., FOX, FOX
Carolina at Arizona 4:15 p.m., FOX

Monday, Nov. 2
Atlanta at New Orleans 8:30 p.m., ESPN

(All times EST)


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Favre No. 5, followed by Big Bird


Remember the Sesame Street song, "One of these things is not like the other?"
OK, relax a little, eh? Yeah, we are using a Sesame Street song to make a point here. This is sports we're typing about, man, not astrophysics.

Anyway, Harris, the company behind all those polls, just released a list of the "Greatest Sports Stars of All Time."

Frankly, I have no real issues with nine out of the top 11. These things are subjective, but most of the important names are on there starting with Michael Jordan at No. 1.
His Airness is followed by Tiger Woods, Babe Ruth, Muhammad Ali, Brett Favre, Joe Montana, Wayne Gretzky, Peyton Manning, Ted Williams, and Hank Aaron and LeBron James, who tied for 10th.

Go ahead read over that again. -- Jordan, Woods, Ruth, Ali...Favre...

I know! Favre?! FAVRE?! Big Bird just passed out.

Again...Jordan, Woods, Ruth, Ali...Favre?! What are you frickin' kidding me?! This would be like rating the greatest presidents Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Jefferson, W. Bush, Adams, Truman...

This falls somewhere in the territory between sad and pathetic to me, because it speaks to the intelligence of the 2,293 dolts that participated in this online poll. Americans might be political neanderthals, and are not the sharpest blades in the box when it comes to all things outside the scope of their porch, but they generally are on top of it when it comes to sports.

How in the world is Brett Favre the fifth greatest at anything?! He's not even the fifth greatest football player of all time, much less all-time sports star, for crying out loud!

This survey, conducted over the course of one week in early October, also breaks down the greatest players in each individual sport.
Favre is the No. 1 football player followed by Jim Brown, Joe Montana, Walter Payton and Jerry Rice. Again, no arguing with the other four, though how Johnny Unitas didn't crack the top 5 is beyond me. It's also pretty bizarre that no defensive players rate top-5 status. Was there ever a better football player than Lawrence Taylor?

But back to our dull point...
Brett Favre is a talented, entertaining player, no doubt. Frankly, the guy has made some of the greatest plays I have ever seen on the football field, but he has also made some incredibly boneheaded plays, mostly because he too often throws into coverage.
He also has exactly one Super Bowl victory to his credit, so it's not as if these voters were able to make the case that he was a great winner in casting their ridiculous vote.

Montana, Unitas, Manning, and Dan Marino were/are hands down better quarterbacks than Favre ever was. I'd also gladly make the case for Tom Brady and Dan Fouts.

Further, Brett Favre has arguably never even been the greatest current quarterback at any point of his career. John Elway, and Steve Young were also chucking the ball during the height of Favre's NFL powers. You'd get no argument from me if you made the case that either of those guys were better than Favre.

No, any way you cut it, this one is a real head-scratcher.

It is clear that Favre's on-again, off-again retirement plans have not affected his legacy in a negative fashion, which is a surprise unto itself.

What's that saying about bad publicity being better than no publicity at all?
Who knows, maybe there's hope for W. yet? Nah...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Saints and Colts sipping success


As we head to the midpoint of the season, only two teams have proven themselves worthy of the Grill Room's best hooch.

But, my, aren't Indianapolis and New Orleans two very different customers!

The Saints? Well, they bust through the double-doors and act like they own the joint. Sure, this gregarious group takes some getting used to, and can get full-blown overbearing at times. Thing is, we notice nobody has the stones to throw down on 'em.
In fact, by night's end, people are actually buying THEM drinks! Did you see how generous those Dolphins were Sunday?!
Yeah, it's hard not to like these hard-drinking, hard-playing swashbucklers from Bourbon Street.

The Colts, on the other hand, are far more refined. They will politely engage the clientele in conversion, order a bottle of the good stuff, and tip like kings.
They always make the gentleman's play, and inevitably end up with the best-looking babes on their arms.
We also notice that after about 60 minutes with this good-lookin' crew, our lesser customers generally slink away from the bar feeling completely inadequate.

Yep, the Colts and Saints form quite the odd couple, but they are welcome in this joint anytime.

Prost, fellas!

THE STRONG STUFF
  • 1 (1) New Orleans (99 proof, 6-0) Water boy stomped off in a huff when Brees didn't throw him a TD pass for the second straight week.
  • 2 (2) Indianapolis (97 proof, 6-0) This club is the reason a half-cocked sportswriter at some point was the first to call a team, 'a well-oiled machine.'
WORTH A SHOT
  • 3 (7) Pittsburgh (87 proof, 5-2) When you have play-makers on both sides of the ball you can overcome the occasional sloppy play.
  • 4 (3) Minnesota (86 proof, 6-1) It's clear Favre had every intention of staying healthy enough to face Green Bay on Sunday. Did you see his duck-and-cover routine on Pittsburgh's two defensive scores in the 4th quarter?!
  • 5 (8) New England (85 proof, 5-2) Get to enjoy their third straight bye week at home.
  • 6 (4) Denver (84 proof, 6-0) Dropped two places during their week off, because the more you consider this team, the more it makes no sense.
  • 7 (10) Philadelphia (83 proof, 4-2) Toyed with the Redskins and can take charge of the division with a win over the stumbling Giants Sunday.
  • 8 (11) Arizona (82 proof, 4-2) This team is learning to play some good, hard-nosed defense, but will have to run the ball better to get back to the promised land.
  • 9 (9) Baltimore (81 proof, 3-3) Anybody doubt they will beat Denver Sunday?
  • 10 (15) Cincinnati (79 proof, 5-2) What we said last week: We'll predict for no good reason at all that the Bengals will shut down Cutler and the Bears Sunday. Actually they humiliated them.
  • 11 (5) Atlanta (78 proof, 4-2) For a team that looks so complete, they obviously have holes. But where are they?
  • 12 (6) N.Y. Giants (77 proof, 5-2) When the Saints and Cardinals stood right next to them, they found out these guys weren't Giants at all.
  • 13 (14) Houston (75 proof, 4-3) Now that they are finally above .500, will they be afraid of heights?
  • 14 (17) Green Bay (73 proof, 4-2) Have you heard? Brett Favre returns Sunday.
  • 15 (18) Dallas (71 proof, 4-2) So the 'Boys have a new receiver who is Miles batter than T.O. Let the hype begin!
WATERED DOWN
  • 16 (19) San Diego (68 proof, 3-3) We said it last week and we'll say it again: What an annoying team.
  • 17 (13) San Francisco (65 proof, 3-3) If they don't want to be humiliated, better play two solid halves of football this weekend at Indianapolis -- and start Smith in both of them.
  • 18 (12) Chicago (62 proof, 3-3) Jay Cutler equals Jeff George.
CHEAP STUFF
  • 19 (16) Miami (60 proof, 2-4) Had the wounded Saints right where they wanted them, and then took their foot off their throat. These ain't your daddy's Saints.
  • 20 (20) N.Y. Jets (59 proof, 4-3) Let me get this straight: Coach Buddy's Boy weighs in at well over 600 pounds, and has a problem with Sanchez eating a hot dog?!
  • 21 (21) Jacksonville (55 proof, 3-3) Coming off a bye to play 0-6 Titans, who also had a bye. If they aren't careful in Nashville Sunday, it could be bye-bye to the Jaguars this year.
ROT GUT
  • 22 (23) Buffalo (49 proof, 3-4) Moving around these rot-gut teams is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Buffalo is sinking more slowly -- for now.
  • 23 (23) Seattle (47 proof, 2-4) Head to Dallas Sunday, where they will get a chance to read the 671st story about Miles Austin.
  • 24 (22) Carolina (43 proof, 2-4) The NFC's version of the Tennessee Titans.
  • 25 (25) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-6) Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock just dropped a 500-pound verb on top of Coach Haley.
  • 26 (26) Oakland (37 proof, 2-4) That this team has somehow managed two wins is pure silver-and-black magic.
  • 27 (27) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-6) Mangini should be lucky Whitlock doesn't cover his team.
  • 28 (28) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-7) Look at their schedule and tell me where a win comes from.
  • 29 (29) Detroit (27 proof, 1-5) Do you really think Detroit is going to let St. Louis come into their home and abuse them Sunday? Huh?! Do you?! Yeah, we're not sure either...
  • 30 (30) Tennessee (22 proof, 0-6) Coach Fisher is back to wearing a Titans jersey so he can feel what it's like to be a loser again.
  • 31 (31) Washington (19 proof, 2-5) Dan Snyder has consented to pay to get Jim Zorn's stiff upper lip repaired.
  • 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-7) A loss to Lions Sunday gives them a clear shot to become NFL's all-time worst team.
(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What does Obama's golf game say?


Of all the witty things that have been said and written about golf over the years, there is one that is true above all:
Golf doesn't build character, it reveals it.

A colleague, but a better golfing partner, sent along this clip yesterday. It has to do with President Obama's fondness for the game, and the fact that in the first nine months of his new job, he has already played as many rounds of golf as the latest President Bush did during his first 34 months in office.

As this significant finding seeps across the Internet, expect it to spark the predictable nonsensical furor that has always been associated with presidents and golf. In this case, how could the man be playing this stupid game when the economy is in the toilet, we are fighting two wars, health care is broken beyond recognition, and to this day, there are STILL starving children in China?!

Frankly, who cares how much golf the guy plays. What we should be concerned about is what kind of player he is, and how he conducts himself on the golf course. This would really allow us to get to know the man behind the podium better.

Consider what we know of past presidents and their golf games...

Let's start with Dwight D. Eisenhower because he was the sitting president when I was born.
See how honest I am? What do you think that says about how I conduct myself on the golf course, eh?
OK, I'll shut up. Moving right along...

Eisenhower was the Babe Ruth of presidential golfers. During his eight years in office, Ike played over 800 rounds of golf. For the math-challenged, that is is over 100 rounds per year! This is a staggering number, no doubt, until you consider that America was just coming off of World War II and the Korean War. Americans needed to inhale some fresh air and take a well-deserved break in the 1950s, and our president helped lead by example on the links.

John F. Kennedy: Kennedy is said to have possessed the most elegant, athletic and graceful swing of all of our presidents. Elegant, athletic and graceful will land you lookers like Jacqueline Onassis -- and any other number of babes, no? He was also said to be a fierce competitor on the links, a trait which might, in part, explain how he became our youngest president elected to office. Er, besides daddy, Joe's, money, that is.

Lyndon B. Johnson: Didn't play much, and when he did, was said to be an awful player. It is not clear whether he sought help for his swing, but we do know he did not seek or accept his party's nomination to run for the presidency in 1968.

Richard M. Nixon: Was not the most athletic guy, and took the game up late in life. He was also not averse to the occasional one or nine mulligans over the course of a round. In a book by Don Van Natta Jr. on this very subject, he writes that Nixon was often caught on tape saying, "Oh, that didn't count," after knocking a tee ball well to the, er, left. His problems with tapes and the left were only beginning...

Gerald Ford: Next to Ike, nobody played the game as much as Ford. Ford is notorious for hitting spectators off the tee in pro-ams, but was actually a very good golfer. He had one of the great quotes on that sore subject: "I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."
Ford's honesty and candor made him the perfect guy to follow Nixon, eh?

Jimmy Carter: Did not play the game, so we'll turn this around: What did his presidency say about what kind of golfer he would have been? Well, he most likely would have been too far left off the tee, conceded too many putts to his opponents, and been late for his tee times because he was stuck in line waiting for gas.

Ronald Reagan: Well...Has been labeled a casual golfer, and in the '70s described the game as, 'a sissy, rich man's sport.' Of course, that came from the same guy who rode horses. Reagan's strength was most likely the ability to put bad shots and rounds out of his head. During his 1992 questioning about the Iran-Contra Scandal, he was also asked about the state of his game, to both questions he answered, "I don't remember the details at all."

George H.W. Bush: Played so quickly that he often described his time on the course as 'aerobic golf.' Seldom did one of his rounds last longer than three hours. With a battle ax like Barbara waiting for him at home, is it any wonder his pattern was to get on and off something as quickly as possible? Of course, his presidency was a quick one, too, as he served only four years.

Bill Clinton: Clinton loves the game and played 'a round' whenever he could. Seldom kept an honest scorecard, and was a notorious cheater on the golf course. Said he didn't see length as a prerequisite for a good game. OK, OK, seriously, this is like shooting fish in a barrel. You fill in the rest...

George W. Bush: Like daddy is a very quick player. Is said to be good off the tee but couldn't be bothered with pondering the nuances of the short game. Is not detail-oriented on the course. So he basically shot first and asked questions later.

Which brings us to our current president...

Van Natta Jr. has a piece on Obama's game in the latest issue of Golf Digest. In it he writes that, "Obama approaches the game in the same way that he conducts his politics -- maniacally methodical, aggressively competitive and devoutly risk-averse."

Oh, and he is also the first president to play the game from the left side.
I'm telling you, you can't make this stuff up.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Saints don't get AFC's memo


The AFC spent most of Sunday sending a powerful statement to the NFC.

By about 5:45 p.m. EST, and well into the day's second offering of games, the AFC had taken all the toss-up tilts between the rival leagues, and turned them into their own.
The Bengals had demolished the Bears, 45-10. Houston had knocked back a suddenly reeling 49ers club. Pittsburgh had played with fire, and then set ablaze Minnesota's undefeated season. Why Buffalo had even out-mediocre-d the Panthers in Carolina.

And now with its undefeated Saints being battered by middling Miami, 24-3, late in the first half, the NFC was preparing a message of surrender. But just before the white flag went up, Drew Brees'
Saints put their league on their backs and picked themselves up off the Miami sod with a resounding leap.

As it turned out, Brees' gutsy TD on fourth down, and with only five seconds left in the half, ignited a 43-10 explosion that rocked Land Shark Stadium and sent the shell-shocked Dolphins players
back-peddling to the safety of their locker room to ponder what in the world had just hit them.

New Orleans seemed to score from everywhere and anywhere; on offense or defense; through the air or on the ground...and Miami had no answer.

So, by the end of the day, and on behalf of the teetering NFC, the 6-0 Saints delivered the day's final rejoinder: Not so fast, baby!


Now onto a sampling of what the nation's sportswriters and columnists are saying about their football teams across every NFL city, because in the Grill Room we love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.


(1) New Orleans 46
(16) Miami 34
(15) Cincinnati 45
(12) Chicago 10
(17) Green Bay 31
(27) Cleveland 3
(14) Houston 24
(13) San Francisco 21
(19) San Diego 37
(25) Kansas City 7
(7) Pittsburgh 27
(3) Minnesota 17
(2) Indianapolis 42
(32) St. Louis 6
(8) New England 35
(28) Tampa Bay 7
(23) Buffalo 20
(22) Carolina 9
(20) N.Y. Jets 38
(26) Oakland 0
(18) Dallas 37
(5) Atlanta 21
(11) Arizona 24
(6) N.Y. Giants 17
(*) denotes NFL 100-proof ranking

(Associated Press photo)

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Waiting on the beer and an upset


Is there a better time of year than the fall?
The leaves on the trees outside the Grill Room's swinging, double-doors are turning all shades of red and gold. The endless baseball season is rumored to be close to an end, and, no kidding, we even saw frost on the pumpkin this morning!

Best of all we are stuck right in the middle of another wonderful football season, and don't care if we ever get out. It just smells like football doesn't it?!

So, as we wait for the Pfungstadter Bier truck to deliver their liquid gold, and ready the joint for another busy weekend of America's game here in Germany, we'll throw a couple of appetizers at you to munch on...

Zorn on the Cob, alla Vinny
Things just got worse for Jim Zorn in Washington. On Friday, the Redskins coach was given the dreaded vote of confidence by one Vinny Cerrato, the guy with the name that sounds a lot more like a Sopranos' character than that of a dude with the gaudy title, vice president of football operations.

Cerrato, who has deftly avoided the media during his team's meltdown, instead used his very own radio program to assure everybody that Zorn was not getting whacked.

"Jim Zorn is the head of the Washington Redskins," Cerrato said with his fingers apparently crossed tight behind his back. "...and will be for the rest of the season, and hopefully into the future."

Hahahaha. You're laughing, too, right?

Let's face it, the odds are somewhere in the 1,000-to-1 range that Zorn will be back next year, and slightly less than that he survives the season. I mean, why even say this stuff?

Cerrato kept those fingers squeezed behind his back, when he said that the team covertly brought in NFL relic, Sherm Lewis, to relieve Zorn of his play-calling duties because he was only trying to 'help' Zorn.

Right, Vinny, and that knife in Zorn's back was stuck in there to help with his posture.

In true Washington fashion, Cerrato also went after the media during his radio program, saying that it had reported 'false rumors,' all the while declining to speak to those very reporters that planted the 'false rumors' after practice. Beautiful, eh?

Well, here's another false rumor, Vinny: Zorn will be on the sideline when the team plays its last game this year at San Diego.

As we've said many times in the Grill Room, our corrupt nation's capital finally has the team it deserves. Well done.

Bourbon Blues
Staying with the Soprano's theme...Make that the Sparano's theme...
Is there a more intriguing game on the schedule this weekend than New Orleans at Miami?

After an 0-3 start, Tony Sparano's Dolphins and their rising quarterback Chad Henne, rebounded to save their season by beating the Bills and the Jets.
Of course the Saints, ranked No. 1 in the NFL 100-Proof Rankings, have rolled to a 6-0 start on the heels of an improved defense and the best quarterback in the league not named Peyton, Drew Brees.

On Sunday, turn about could be fair play, because like the Saints before they bludgeoned the Giants last week, the Dolphins are coming off a bye, and have had two weeks to get healthy and prepare for New Orleans' potent attack.

You also have to believe that the 'Fins added a wrinkle or two to their Wildcat attack. It would come as no surprise to see backup QB Pat White throwing out of that formation Sunday.
We have to admit that ever since we were called out by GR regular Sam the Man for blasting the Wildcat a few weeks ago, we have kept two eyes on the Dolphins, and are coming around to this unconventional method of attacking defenses.

Even though New Orleans enters the game ranked fifth against the rush in the NFL and seem a good bet to douse the Wildcat, we say that stat is more than a little misleading.
Because the Saints have led virtually every game they've played this year, teams have been forced to throw the ball an inordinate amount of the time to get back in the game.

The Giants had some success on the ground last week, but were unable to stay there because of their defense's inept performance.

We have a funny feeling around here that Miami is going to run wild with a new scheme, and hand the befuddled Saints their first loss of the year.

Prost!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Jersey Jeff Fisher


Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher is a favorite around the Grill Room, but what in the hell was he thinking (or drinking) the other night when he showed up at a fundraiser wearing a Peyton Manning jersey?!

And don't bring that sports-fans-are-maniacal-and-need-to-lighten-up-a-little crap around here, to excuse the coach's bizarre behavior.
Yeah, sports fans are often completely and ridiculously over the top, but whether that's right or wrong has nothing to do with it. They just are and always have been. It's best we accept this as fact and move on.


Without these maniacal fans, sports as we know them, would dry up and go away. It's that simple.

So
if I am a Titans fan, and I have lost hard-earned cash, and hair supporting this football team, I deserve better return on my money and loyalty than to see the guy who is coaching my team wearing a rival's jersey.

Tennessee is frickin' 0-6 this year, just lost, 59-0, and the guy who's job it is too pull them out of this mess, is yucking it up and making jokes at his team's expense?!

As the longest-tenured coach with one team in the NFL, and generally a stand-up guy, Fisher has earned a pass for this indiscretion, but he better know he's treading on very thin ice here, or the joke just might ultimately be on him.

And while you're chewing on that one, there are few other questions that are gnawing at us, starting with the never-ending nonsense in our nation's capital...

Even in a corrupt, sleazy city like Washington, don't you marvel at just how bad things are going for its football team?
Here's why we're asking:
Because the classy Steve Largent is the latest to weigh in on the dysfunction that passes for a football team in D.C.
The Hall-of-Fame receiver, was throwing lightning bolts at Redskins owner Dan Snyder during a radio interview earlier this week in Seattle.


Largent who used to catch passes thrown by Jim Zorn, the poor guy who is coaching the 'Skins, said, among many other things, "...in my opinion, and this is just totally my opinion -- Jim has never said this, never implied this -- I think what Daniel Snyder was trying to do (when he relieved Zorn of his play-calling duties) was to force Jim to resign so he was not liable for his contract any longer. And Jim is just not going to do that.
"

And Largent went on...

"[Zorn] inherited everything that he has to work with today and yet all the blame is being laid on his feet because he can't make them a Super Bowl champion, which I could have told you two years ago, they don't have a Super Bowl-quality team," Largent told KJR radio. "And so it doesn't matter how good a coach you have, you are not going to get there with the players the owner gives you.

"I know it's frustrating for Jim. He is making the best of it."

And on...

"I don't know what a Dan Snyder coach looks like and I don't think Dan Snyder knows what a Dan Snyder coach looks like, and that is fairly obvious now as he has been through about six head coaches in 10 years."

Largent's harsh assessment of the Redskins follows last week's roasting of the team by former players. Except the outspoken Redskins' retirees seemed more interested in putting most of the blame at Zorn's feet rather than at the owner's, who in some cases signs their paychecks.
They're all class in D.C.
, I tell ya.

Will ESPN see the forest through the trees when it televises Monday night's tilt between those hapless Redskins and the Eagles?
Here's why we're asking:
Because, bluntly, too often the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network, is all about the entertainment, at the expense of the programming, and viewers' intelligence.

Let's hope they don't play patty-cake with Snyder and his gang, or worse, ignore the whole sad affair altogether, and instead use their bright light to expose this sad circus, rather than play a part in it.

Is the Southeastern Conference looking down the barrel of a major scandal?
Here's why we're asking:
Because the news that the Southeastern Conference has suspended the officials who worked (over) last weekend's Arkansas-Florida game has the potential to become a full-blown tsunami.

Nothing, not even the average fan's waistline, is bigger in the South than college football. If there is even a hint that refs could be affecting the outcome of games with their whistles in order to fatten their wallets, it could get very ugly.

This is the second time this officiating crew made an awful call that directly impacted the outcome of a game. They also threw a flag in the Georgia-LSU game that set LSU up with great field position following a late TD by the Bulldogs.

The same kind of questionable call helped Florida to its win over the underdog Hogs last Saturday. In fact, the argument could be made the officials were inordinately leaning the Gators' way the entire day.

To be clear, we have no knowledge there has been any provable evidence, other than the shoddy officiating, that the fix was in on these games. However...If the SEC says they aren't looking into that possibility, they are completely full of it. They better be, because something smells around here.

Take your pick

For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 7 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:
ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
CNN/SI
NBC
SportingNews
AP

College:

SportingNews
CBS Sports
NBC

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Philadelphia over Washington, minus-6.5:
Well, we're not sure what to say. We've made a mess of things the last two weeks, and now you are wondering why you even frequent this joint.
We figure the only folks more embarrassed than the staff at the Grill Room, are the Philadelphia Eagles, who somehow found a way to lose at Oakland last Sunday.
Well, we figure the best way to start feeling good about ourselves again, is to bet on Philly feeling good about itself again after a rock 'em, sock 'em trip to the nation's capital.
The Eagles soar, 34-10.

(Season record: 3-3)

Tape it up

To get the latest on all the aches and breaks around the NFL go here.

TV Time
If you can't stop by the
Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:

Friday, Oct. 23
Rutgers at Army, 8 p.m., ESPN2

Saturday, Oct. 24
Minnesota at Ohio State, Noon, ESPN
Illinois at Purdue, Noon, ESPN2
Georgia Tech at Virginia, ACC
Indiana at Northwestern, Noon, Big Ten Network
Connecticut at West Virginia, Noon, ESPNU
S. Florida at Pittsburgh, ESPN-GP
Oklahoma State at Baylor, 12:30 p.m., Versus
Iowa State at Nebraska, 12:30 p.m., FSN
Tennessee at Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Boston College at Notre Dame, 3:30 p.m., NBC
Michigan at Penn State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Clemson at Miami, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Oregon at Washington, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Oklahoma at Kansas, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Louisville at Cincinnati, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Wake Forest at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Air Force at Utah, 4 p.m., Versus
San Diego State at Colorado State, 4 p.m., Mtn.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Iowa at Michigan State, 7 p.m., Big Ten Network
Florida at Mississippi State, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
Auburn at LSU, 7:30 p.m., ESPN2
TCU at BYU, 7:30 p.m., Versus
SMU at Houston, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Texas at Missouri, 8 p.m., ABC
Oregon State at USC, 8 p.m., ABC
UNLV at New Mexico, 8 p.m., Mtn.
Arizona State at Stanford, 10:15 p.m., FSN
Fresno State at New Mexico State, 10:15 p.m., ESPNU

NFL:
Sunday, Oct. 25
(Byes: Baltimore Denver Detroit Jacksonville Seattle Tennessee)
Chicago at Cincinnati 1 p.m., FOX

Green Bay at Cleveland 1 p.m., FOX

San Francisco at Houston 1 p.m., FOX
San Diego at Kansas City 1 p.m., CBS

Minnesota at Pittsburgh 1 p.m., FOX
Indianapolis at St. Louis 1 p.m., CBS

New England vs. Tampa Bay at London 1 p.m., CBS

Buffalo at Carolina 4:05 p.m., CBS

N.Y. Jets at Oakland 4:05 p.m., CBS

Atlanta at Dallas 4:15 p.m., FOX
New Orleans at Miami 4:15 p.m., FOX
Arizona at N.Y. Giants 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Oct. 26
Philadelphia at Washington 8:30 p.m., ESPN

(All times EST)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Giants didn't look out for No. 1


We're always paying attention around here even if the Giants and Eagles weren't last Sunday. Man, you'd think a pair of ol' stalwarts from a rough-and-tumble neighborhood like the NFC East would know better.

First, the Giants went down to New Orleans to restore order around the NFL, and got hit in the mouth before they were able to make a single statement. Then, a few hours later, the Eagles brought their uniforms to Oakland and not their game, and were cleaned and pressed by a gang of light-weights who used to refer to themselves as the vaunted Raider Nation.

So be warned, with that kind of stuff going down in the NFL this year, it's best you keep your head on swivel, pally.
And drink up, it's gonna be a long season.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

  • 1 (2) New Orleans (99 proof, 5-0) Biggest mismatch of Sunday's slap-down of the Giants was on the sidelines. Giants never adjusted to what the Saints coaches were serving: Max-protect and find out who this dude named C.C. Brown is not covering.
  • 2 (3) Indianapolis (95 proof, 5-0) Colts will get a second straight week of rest when they visit the Rams Sunday.
  • 3 (4) Minnesota (94 proof, 6-0) Vikings better learn to play 60 minutes by this Sunday at Pittsburgh or clock will strike 12 on their winning streak.
WORTH A SHOT
  • 4 (8) Denver (89 proof, 6-0) Do we believe? No. Are we paying attention? You bet.
  • 5 (6) Atlanta (87 proof, 4-1) Had the magnifying glass on 'em Sunday night, and spotted very few weaknesses.
  • 6 (1) N.Y. Giants (86 proof, 5-1) That's what happens when you get all full of yourself beating up on midgets. Next time bring some attitude, and a secondary. For now, just get on out of here.
  • 7 (7) Pittsburgh (85 proof, 4-2) Need to clean up this untidy brand of football they have been playing with unbeaten Vikes looking to make a mess of their place Sunday.
  • 8 (9) New England (84 proof, 4-2) After thumping Titans, 59-0, Patriots are ready for Battle of 1812 redo when they visit UK this weekend.
  • 9 (11) Baltimore (81 proof, 3-3) Yes they lost, and still moved up two spots. You want to tell me why they should have dropped, pal?
  • 10 (5) Philadelphia (79 proof, 3-2) Seriously, what was THAT?! Loss at Oakland was the worst of the year by anybody. Can top it, though, if they throw in another clunker at D.C. Monday night .
  • 11 (17) Arizona (78 proof, 3-2) All of a sudden the Cardinals are looking very serious to us. Giants better watch their backs Sunday night.
  • 12 (12) Chicago (75 proof, 3-2) Played Atlanta tough, but you always got the feeling it was going to end badly for them.
  • 13 (13) San Francisco (74 proof, 3-2) Next two games on the road against Houston and Indianapolis will tell us what this team is really made of.
WATERED DOWN
  • 14 (20) Houston (72 proof, 3-3) Matt Schaub threw for 392 yds., and four TDs against a Bengals' defense that shut down Baltimore on the road the week before. We told you, there is some bad stuff going on this year.
  • 15 (10) Cincinnati (71 proof, 4-2) And because there's bad stuff all about, we'll predict for no good reason at all that the Bengals will shut down Cutler and the Bears Sunday.
  • 16 (16) Miami (70 proof, 2-3) With Saints back at home for a divisional showdown with Atlanta next Monday, maybe the Saints are marching into a trap this weekend?
  • 17 (18) Green Bay (68 proof, 3-2) Packers did nothing in their 26-0 win over the Lions and their third-string QB to hurt or help their cause around here.
  • 18 (19) Dallas (65 proof, 3-2) Used bye week to read epic tale about the little engine that could. "I think we can. I think we can. I think we can..." Jerry's kids shouted. No, you can't.
CHEAP STUFF
  • 19 (15) San Diego (61 proof, 2-3) What an annoying team.
  • 20 (14) N.Y. Jets (59 proof, 3-3) Well, the bloom is officially off Buddy boys' pretty quarterback. Don't get too close, he stinks.
  • 21 (22) Jacksonville (55 proof, 3-3) Careful, Jacksonville, you are about to get run from this place for good with another performance like the one against the Rams Sunday.
ROT GUT
  • 22 (23) Carolina (49 proof, 2-3) How long can they play 'hide the quarterback' before he, and they, are found out?
  • 23 (28) Buffalo (45 proof, 2-4) Poor, poor Buffalo fans. Jauron always seems to do just enough to give you a sliver of hope. Hopefully, you are smart enough to know by now, you don't have any.
  • 24 (21) Seattle (43 proof, 2-4) Bye comes at a perfect time to come up with another excuse for futility. I mean, wasn't everything supposed to be different when Hasselbeck was at the helm?
  • 25 (31) Kansas City (39 proof, 1-5) Were the latest recipients of Washington's program to lift up the disenfranchised of the league.
  • 26 (30) Oakland (37 proof, 2-4) Nobody is more surprised by what happened Sunday against the Eagles than the Raiders.
  • 27 (26) Cleveland (30 proof, 1-5) QB Anderson has put his house on the market, too.
  • 28 (29) Tampa Bay (28 proof, 0-6) Have already been banned in London.
  • 29 (24) Detroit (27 proof, 1-5) If the Lions have a bye week will anybody even know they are missing?
  • 30 (27) Tennessee (22 proof, 0-6) Seriously, this has gone way past ridiculous. A good-bye for the terrible Titans this weekend.
  • 31 (25) Washington (19 proof, 2-4) We admit it...This whole rotten mess is fascinating to us in the Grill Room.
  • 32 (32) St. Louis (15 proof, 0-6) After they lose to Colts this Sunday, will have their best (only?) shot at a win this year when they travel to Detroit the following week.
(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fixing the LPGA in Plain English


We interrupt the loud buzz accompanying the NFL, BCS, MLB, NBA, NHL and PGA to bring you the following message on behalf of the, gulp, LPGA:
H-E-L-P!

Quit snickering.

The Ladies Professional Golf Association is at a dangerous crossroads.
Sadly, this wouldn't be the first time this tour with no sense of itself, sat idling off the sports radar screen while trying to decide how it can become more than just some blip.

You do have to wonder, though, how many times they can arrive at this same, old, tired destination before the dented business model that has been driving their product, just up and quits for good.

Make no mistake about it, these are desperate times for the ladies, and we're not talking about housewives here. And if times like these call for desperate measures, we're ready to suggest some help. But before answering desperation's call, consider a few of the major issues the tour is facing right now:
  • It seems like every minute, the LPGA is losing money and sponsors at a time we are suffering through some of the toughest economic times in the past 100 years. Encouraging investment in a product that has traditionally offered minimal returns will be no easy sell.
  • Currently, the tour is rudderless, 'operating' without a commissioner. Sadly, some of the biggest noise the LPGA made this year was when a group of its better-known unknown players organized a coup that led to the resignation of then-commissioner Carolyn Bivens. Worse, all this was done on the eve of the tour's marquee event, the U.S. Open. That would be the definition of a public-relations nightmare
  • The tour is an afterthought on network TV. Yes, it does a have a 10-year contract with the Golf Channel, which was probably some of the best work Bivens did, but this will do little to establish a more sweeping brand.
  • The tour seems to be constantly at odds with itself about how far it should go in playing the sex-appeal card. Like it or not, some of its more recognized players have the legs to match their good-lookin' games. And like it or not, many people are tuning in to watch just because of that. Yet the LPGA players as a group can't seem to make up their minds about whether this is a good thing. Hint: It's a good thing.
  • Then there is the Korean issue, and we're not talking nukes. For better or worse, the South Korean players have made a tremendous impact on the game. But for worse, they have driven away fans and viewers in droves. Fans complain mostly that the South Korean's nondescript manner on and off the course is, for lack of a better word, boring. This would be a case where winning isn't everything, and these talented Korean players certainly do more than their fair share of that.
So what to do?
Get the biggest, roundest table you can find. Gather 'round that big table the most diverse group of top business and marketing experts in the world you can find. Throw in some LPGA notables, past and present, invite Tim Finchem the successful PGA commissioner, and finally, send invites to representatives from companies that sell products across every demographic you can think of -- from perfume to beer; from nachos to brie; from skirts to ties.

Then throw every single topic you can think of on top of that big, round table -- including, and maybe even mostly, the sensitive Korean issue -- and start sorting through all of them with one goal: Identifying what you are going to sell.

For the past 25 years or so, better known as the post-Nancy Lopez years (See? You remember her don't you?!), it seems like the LPGA has been trying to sell this...then that... then the other thing... and they were getting very few buyers for any of it.

Most perplexing, when they stumbled on something that would sell, they closed the shop.
Maybe the best example of this is when Annika Sorenstam and then Michelle Wie were occasionally teeing it up with the men. Some saw this as a good idea, some saw it as a bad one. No matter how you saw it, though, there was no denying it was good for business, and helped grow the LPGA brand. But the tour discouraged this.

Why in the world would the LPGA be reticent to see any of its members soaking up some of the PGA Tour's brilliant spotlight?

Be bold.
If there are attractive women out there who are able to hit a drive 275 yards dead down the middle, embrace it, don't begrudge it. Sex sells, and it has been selling in every single professional men's sport for decades.

Lopez is one of the four or five greatest women's players of all time. But when you think about her it's more than all that winning she did that you remember her for. No, you remember that she did all that winning while flashing her trademark million-watt smile. And that's a bad thing?

Isn't Arnold Palmer remembered for the very same thing? When Arnie burst on the scene, hitched up those trousers and stalked the course, it wasn't just golf he was selling -- or what the ladies were buying...

Identify your stars and sell 'em. Well after Palmer had stopped all his winning, he was still the best thing the tour had to offer. Arnie wasn't golf's greatest winner, but to this day, he is still known as The King.

Which leads us to the delicate South Korea issue.

Quit treating it delicately. It is a real issue, and it isn't going away.
One of Bivens' greatest undoings was her ill-fated attempt to suspend foreign-born players (i.e. the South Koreans) who could not converse in English. Even is she was a bit hasty (OK a lot hasty) about breaking out the stick ahead of the carrot, she was on to something.

Bivens' contention was that if a player could not speak any English, they were less attractive to those all-important pro-ams that boost stature and raise money for the tour. And if players were unable to promote what sponsors were selling, they were going to bolt to sports with players that could.

Of course, it also doesn't help that these players do rotten interviews. If the public can't get to know the players, identify with them, and get some idea of what makes them tick, they might as well be putting visors on swing machines and wheeling 'em around the course.

At least 75 percent of golf is played between the ears, so if you can't tell us what you were thinking about before stiffing that 5-iron from a 175 yards into a right-to-left wind on No. 18, you've been of no help at all.

Address this issue and address it honestly already.

Finally, go down the road less traveled this time when hiring a commissioner, because if you go down that same, old tired path you've been traveling yet again, you'll be lucky if all you hit is a crossroad.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Raiders give voice to past


We had just lifted our beer glasses to the sky to toast a great day of football, when an old, wonderful voice came booming across the frosty hills of Southwest Germany and through the double doors of the Grill Room.

By now, we were into the wee hours -- and many, many pils -- of this Monday morning.
It was right about the time the Raiders (The Raiders!) were putting the finishing touches on their improbable win over the heavily favored Eagles, when we heard it...

The Autumn wind is a pirate
Blustering in from sea

With a rollicking song he sweeps along

Swaggering boisterously.

His face is weatherbeaten
He wears a hooded sash

With a silver hat about his head

And a bristling black mustache.

He growls as he storms the country
A villain big and bold

And the trees all shake and quiver and quake

As he robs them of their gold.

The Autumn wind is a Raider
Pillaging just for fun

He'll knock you 'round and upside down

And laugh when he's conquered and won.


And as the late, great John Facenda's "Voice of God," from NFL Films' fame of yesteryear, recited The Autumn Wind, we rose our glasses high yet again, and toasted all that has always been good about the NFL.

Because in a season that was starting to define itself by its numbing predictability, Facenda, if only in spirit, and the Raiders, in fact, were back to remind us that on any given Sunday, anything was possible in the National Football League...


Now onto a sampling of what the nation's sportswriters and columnists are saying about their football teams across every NFL city, because in the Grill Room we love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

(20) Houston 28
(10) Cincinnati 17
(18) Green Bay 26
(24) Detroit 0
(22) Jacksonville 23
(32) St. Louis 20 (OT)
(4) Minnesota 33
(11) Baltimore 31
(2) New Orleans 48
(1) N.Y. Giants 27
(7) Pittsburgh 27
(26) Cleveland 14
(23) Carolina 28
(29) Tampa Bay 21
(31) Kansas City 14
(25) Washington 6
(30) Oakland 13
(5) Philadelphia 9
(17) Arizona 27
(21) Seattle 3
(9) New England 59
(27) Tennessee 0
(28) Buffalo 16
(14) N.Y. Jets 13 (OT)
(6) Atlanta 21
(12) Chicago 14
(*) denotes NFL 100-proof ranking