Welcome to the GRILL ROOM: September 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Grill Room goes old school, Steelers get run

Even though the power's out at the base station, the Grill Room is open for business with the singular goal, as always, of satisfying your appetite for attitude. We got an old-school work ethic around this joint...

Hell, our bartenders looked adversity in the eye, cranked up the emergency generators, knocked back a couple of bottles of Beefeater, and set about putting together our exclusive NFL 100-proof rankings just like we do every Wednesday.

And that's why you come here, for a straight shot of 100-proof truth.

We pander to nobody around here, though last week we did go out on a limb, thinking one of the two or three best franchises in football could handle our trust, and what Cincinnati was serving on the road.
Well, turns out the Steelers got all wobbly-kneed in the fourth quarter, and fell on their face, so our bouncers had to toss Coach Tomlin and his light-weights out onto the road to redemption.

See? We clean up our messes around here.

That said, the Big Blue Wrecking Crew held on to the top spot after demolishing impotent Tampa Bay on the road, while Bal'more showed why they would be the Giants' match in the Super Bowl if the season ended today by demolishing the Clowns from Cleveland.

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

1 (1) N.Y. Giants (99 proof, 3-0) Stop the run, they pass. Stop the pass, they run. Throw in a defense that is making the move from solid to dominating, and you have the most dependable team in the league right now.
2 (3) Baltimore (97 proof, 3-0) Have a chance to make a serious statement about who's really the class of the AFC when they visit New England Sunday.
3 (4) New Orleans (96 proof, 3-0) Passed another test when they had trouble passing in Buffalo last week, yet still managed to roll big.
4 (5) Indianapolis (93 proof, 3-0) Peyton Manning is the best player in the NFL right now, though their best defensive player, Dwight Freeney, is down and out for a couple of weeks.

WORTH A SHOT

5 (7) Minnesota (89 proof, 3-0) Brett Favre did what he's best at in a miraculous win over the 49ers. Will he start doing what he's second-best at and throw it to his old buddies when the Packers come calling Monday night?
6 (8) N.Y. Jets (88 proof, 3-0) Buddy boys' team made the most of Tennessee's fumbling special teams and did what, gulp, good teams do -- capitalized. Next up: New Orleans. That'll be a beauty.
7(9) Philadelphia (87 proof, 2-1) Andy Reid will endure ridiculous Week 4 bye figuring out how in the heck he is going to keep his three-headed QB monster from eating itself.
8 (10) New England (85 proof, 2-1) Clipped pretender Falcons' wings last Sunday, but will run into a more ornery group of birds when the Ravens dive into town this weekend.
9 (12) San Francisco (83 proof, 2-1) Tough, mean, stubborn, but a bit stupid. It's all part of the learning curve for Coach Mike's 49ers.
10 (11) San Diego (82 proof, 2-1) Tough team to figure, but figure they lose to a desperate Steelers team Sunday night.
11 (6) Atlanta (81 proof, 2-1) Were run from the GR when they were found carrying ID card stamped "legitimate contender" on it. Get the bye week to work on their credentials.
12 (13) Chicago (80 proof, 2-1) Two straight weeks opposing kickers failed to boot the Bears, and for two straight weeks the Bears capitalized like No. 6 Buddy boys' team.
13 (17) Cincinnati (79 proof, 2-1) This is the team we thought they were around here when the season started. That's why you trust what we serve you in the GR.

WATERED DOWN

14 (14) Dallas (77 proof, 2-1) Is anybody trusting what Jerry's 'Boys are serving us right now?
15 (18) Green Bay (74 proof, 2-1) A team in search of an identity will see a glimpse of its old self when Favre huddles with the Vikes. Will they like what they see?
16 (2) Pittsburgh (73 proof, 1-2) If getting bounced from the GR doesn't wake you up, nothing will. Oh yeah, and third-place in the division should be another eye-opener.
17 (21) Denver (70 proof, 3-0) Save it, Broncos' fans. Your team is average and you know it. Want to make a statement that'll earn you a running tab around here? Buck the 'Boys on Sunday.

CHEAP STUFF

18 (22) Seattle (65 proof, 1-2) So the coach is blaming the kicker for missing two of six kicks Sunday. Try stuffing the ball in the end zone and piping down, pal.
19 (19) Tennessee (63 proof, 0-3) If Tennessee doesn't clean up their nasty special teams play, and take Jacksonville this week, they're on bread and water for the rest of the year.
20 (15) Arizona (61 proof, 1-2) Arizona gets a week off to reminisce about what it was like to be good for a five-week stretch last year, and how nice it is to be back to being rotten again. Ahhh, home.

ROT GUT

21 (30) Jacksonville (56 proof, 1-2) Butter-fingered Titans come to town Sunday, but will Jags be finger-lickin' good?
22 (16) Houston (54 proof, 1-2) We'll stick with the Texans one more week and send the Raiders their way to help 'em feel good about themselves again.
23 (23) Buffalo (50 proof, 1-2) Forget big mouth T.O. Coach Dick Jauron plus QB Trent Edwards equals awful.
24 (25) Carolina (45 proof, 0-3) Had a chance to right your season and wrong Jerry's 'Boys, and you blew both. You certainly didn't earn your week off, Panthers.
25 (32) Detroit (40 proof, 1-2) Finally, Detroit gets even with Washington. Can't put all that poetic justice into words.
26 (24) Miami (38 proof, 0-3) Expect QB Henne to be benched Sunday against Bills and Pat White to come in and shine.
27 (20) Washington (35 proof, 1-2) Has there ever been a team that is more emblematic of the city it represents?
28 (27) Kansas City (33 proof, 0-3) No. 1 Giants come knocking Sunday. Doh!
29 (26) Oakland (30 proof, 1-2) Spent more time last week girding for Rich Gannon than they did the Broncos.
30 (29) St. Louis (25 proof, 0-3) This team stinks.
31 (28) Tampa Bay (22 proof, 0-3) This team really, really stinks.
32 (31) Cleveland (19 proof, 0-3) This team really, really, really...

(*) -- denotes last week's ranking.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Everything Breaks the Tour's Way

Sunday was a rotten day for us hard-core cynics of the world.

There just wasn't much to rail about as the best player in the world rightfully captured the flawed FedEx Cup, while the people's choice on this day overcame some wrenching off-course issues to win the Tour Championship itself.

When Tiger Woods locked up the FedEx Cup title with his second-place finish Sunday, and Phil Mickelson won the tournament itself, everything came up aces for the PGA Tour's third rendition of the 'playoff' series, proving you can often forget about the bumpy journey, when the destination is all wine and roses.

Woods all but locked up Player-of-the-Year honors when he, er, scored enough points at Atlanta's East Lake Golf Club to narrowly win the yearlong FedEx series. Points, bleh.

But whether the PGA Tour's counting points, goals, birdies, or whatever, justice was done.

Woods, despite going winless in the majors this year, is still the world's best player, and did more than enough over the course of the year to secure the $10 million bonus that went to the FedEx winner -- even if was a lot closer than it should have been.

Meantime, gallery favorite Mickelson was rolling putts in from all over the Georgia countryside on his way to a victory in the series' final event. One can only hope that Phil's flourish was a sign that things with his family are also going so well.

Mickelson's wife, Amy, was diagnosed with breast cancer in May. Only six weeks later, it was announced his mother, Mary, was diagnosed with the same blasted disease.

Mickelson sounded positively bouyant after his round Sunday.
"It feels great to have won," he said. "It's been frustrating as far as the last few months, but I look at it as a fortunate year because [wife] Amy and my mom are going to be great."

Which, of course, is the best news of all.

See what I mean? It was a bad day for cynics.

Lipouts

If you were listening closely this weekend you might have heard that LPGA veteran Sophie Gustafson cruised past Lorean Ochoa to win the CVS/pharmacy LPGA Challenge in a place called Danville, Calif.
It was Gustafson's first win in six years, and kept Ochoa winless in last her last 11 events. Ochoa has dominated the tour the past three years, winning 21 times over that period, so her mini-slump is raising eyebrows.

But most of you probably didn't know that, because most of you probably don't pay attention to the LPGA.

One of the big behind-the-scenes stories in the off-season will be who is picked to run the tour. When Carolyn Bivens was sent packing, or packed and sent her regards in July, the circuit was left without a commissioner, and a bit of a mess on its hands.

There is simply no excuse that a tour featuring talented, attractive players should be languishing permanently in the back woods of the Golf Channel.

The Grill Room firmly believes the tour is a sleeping giant of a sports league if only it were given some good direction. We'll have more on this in the coming weeks...

And one more bit of cynic-busting news from East Lake...
Turns out the weekend TV ratings were nearly double what they were a year ago. The event did a 3.3 overnight rating Sunday compared to 1.8 a year ago. On Saturday the numbers were 2.4 compared to 1.3 in 2008.

Pretty respectable when you consider they were up against ratings-hog football.

Last year, you had Camilo Villegas holding off Sergio Garcia in a playoff.
This year, Woods and Mickelson got loads of TV time. Not hard to figure out what happened.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Finally, Washington comes to the rescue

Who says Washington doesn't hear the cries of hurting Americans all across the fruited plain? Who says it doesn't hear the calls of those desperate souls who are praying for hope, and pleading for change?

Consider the shrewd bit of politics that were engineered over the weekend when this city of losers sent the standard-bearer of its lost causes up to Detroit to give aid and comfort to a city ravaged by unemployment and even worse football.

Dan Snyder's Washington Redskins were a magnificent picture of incompetence worthy of the city they hail from, when they fell, 19-14, to a Detroit Lions football team that hadn't beaten anybody in over a year-and-a-half.

This mission of mercy won't soon be forgotten by the citizens of the Motor City, who can be excused this Monday morning if they're caught daydreaming about shorter unemployment lines, Japanese cars that get six miles to the gallon, and a responsive Washington.

There is every reason to believe that Snyder's gang will extend their program for the needy when the lowly Tampa Bay Buccaneers visit the nation's capital Sunday.

Yes indeed, fellow Americans, hope has finally arrived...

Now onto a sampling of what the nation's sportswriters and columnists are saying about their football teams across every NFL city, because in the Grill Room we love the newspaper business, even if it hates itself.

(32) Detroit 19
(20) Washington 14

Lions win! Lions win! Lions win!
The Redskins are so much better than all this -- just ask 'em.

(3) Baltimore 34
(31)Cleveland 3

Ravens' dominating defense and opportunistic offense live happily ever after...
...while quarterbacks are sent to their death in Cleveland.

(17) Cincinnati 23
(2) Pittsburgh 20

The long-suffering Bengals are finally making beautiful music together...
...and the struggling Steelers seem to have forgotten how to play.

(30) Jacksonville 31
(16) Houston 24

Jaguars' Smith speaks softly carries a big stick.
Texans still a group of hombres who haven't learned how to shoot straight.

(7) Minnesota 27
(12) San Francisco 24

Favre's last-second bullet a real shot in the arm for WR Lewis.
Singletary's post-game spin leaves GM McCloughan dizzy.

(10) New England 26
(6) Atlanta 10

New England is moving in old, positive direction.
The sky-high Falcons needed to be brought back to earth.

(9) Philadelphia 34
(27) Kansas City 14

Vick gets only a taste, but is not ready to bite hand that feeds him.
First the wheels came off, then the Chiefs flattened themselves.

(18) Green Bay 36
(29) St. Louis 17

The Rams gift-wrapped this one for a bunch of Packers.
St. Louis: The new Detroit.

(1) N.Y. Giants 24
(28) Tampa Bay 0

Big Blue of old makes a smashing return.
Call it a crime, or the plague...but don't call this beat-down embarrassin g.

(8) N.Y. Jets 24
(19) Tennessee 17

Sanchez uses his head to make his points.
Tennessee's playoff chances buried in the Meadowlands.

(4) New Orleans 27
(23) Buffalo 7

High-flying Saints hit the ground running.
Bills' inept offense needs a T.O. quick.

(13) Chicago 25
(22) Seattle 19

These Bears start like tortoises and finish like hares.
Banged-up Seahawks' season in critical condition.

(21) Denver 23
(26) Oakland 3

This year's version of the Orange Crush is seeing Red.
Raiders' fans blow their wrath at Russell then head for the exits.

(11) San Diego 23
(24) Miami 13

2-1 Chargers don't paint a pretty picture.
Struggling Dolphins suffering identity crisis.

(5) Indianapolis 31
(15) Arizona 10

Run-away Colts aren't about to sleep on success.
Cardinals take their act to prime-time, but clock strikes 12.

(*) Denotes the Grill Room's NFL 100-PROOF RANKING

(Associated Press photo)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Raiders: "Just Whine, Baby!"

Has there ever been a sports franchise that's fallen farther, faster than the Oakland Raiders?

This once-proud team of marauders, led by its egocentric owner, Al Davis, used to eschew anything resembling the conventional to achieve the only thing that really mattered: winning.

These days, though, the only thing their unconventional approach has earned them is a new, embarrassing identity -- sniveling losers.

And the descent toward, and through, the bottom continues unabated.
Consider this story that has made the rounds in recent days...

Despite winning only 24 times and losing on 56 other occasions over the past five years, the "Just whine, baby" Raiders have relented and will not ban former quarterback-turned broadcaster, Rich Gannon, from their facilities as he prepares for Sunday's CBS telecast of Oakland's game against the Broncos.

Seems in recent years, Gannon (pictured with Raider owner Al Davis) has been highly critical of the organization he led to the Super Bowl in 2002.

"He's repeatedly said that they should just blow up the building and start all over again," senior executive John Herrera said Friday. "He hasn't done that once or twice, but has done that repeatedly. He continually attacks the owner, he continually attacks the organization in every way that he can. After listening to all of that for the last several years why would you want him in your building when all he does is attack the organization that made his career."

You might have been listening to it, but obviously didn't hear it, pal. If you did, maybe your team could get serious about turning around one of the most precipitous slides in sports history.

For more on all this go here.

In darker news...
It seems the only ones more critical of the Raiders than Gannon these days are the fans themselves. In what can only be described as poetic injustice, the Raiders could not sell enough tickets for Sunday's home tilt with Denver to avoid a blackout to viewers in the Bay Area.

As reported around here yesterday, the Lions home game against the Redskins will not be shown locally in Detroit, while San Diego narrowly beat the deadline and avoided a blackout for their game against the visiting Dolphins.

Some injury updates:

With Cadillac Williams and Earnest Graham both nursing injuries, former Giants RB Derrick Ward should get plenty of carries when his old squad visits struggling Tampa Bay Sunday.
Meantime, there are Giant injury concerns for the Bucs' 2-0 foes.
The upstart 2-0 Jets will be without their starting cornerbacks when they host the desperate Titans (0-2) on Sunday.
You can pretty much count Eagles's QB Donovan McNabb out against the visiting 0-2 Chiefs on Sunday. RB Brian Westbrook and WR DeSean Jackson are also hobbling about as the team tries forget last week's 48-22 drubbing at the hands of the Saints.
The 0-2 Dolphins are hopeful LB Joey Porter and G Justin Smiley will suit up in their critical road tilt against the Chargers Sunday. San Diego will be without LaDainian Tomlinson for the second straight week.
The 1-1 Redskins are hopeful RB Clinton Portis can go Sunday when they try to avoid the embarrassment of losing to a Lions team that has lost 19 straight.
The punchless Patriots could be without their ol' 1-2 on the outside if WRs Wes Welker and Randy Moss can't go Sunday against the soaring 2-0 Falcons.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Does Michigan really deserve this?

Week 3 of the NFL season will kick off in less than 48 hours and we figure it's about time we got some answers in the Grill Room.

Answers to what? That's another question, sluggo. I said we're looking for answers around here.

Answers to stuff like...
Why does God hate Michigan?
Here's why we're asking: Because isn't it bad enough that Kid Rock calls the place home? What, a 15.6 percent unemployment rate isn't high enough that these poor people also have to watch their football team go on strike each Sunday?! If the Lions don't win at home against the impotent Redskins this weekend, they will become only the second team in NFL history to have lost at least 20 straight games. Then they'll have nothing between them and the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Yucks, who fumbled their way to a record 26 losses in a row. Good Michiganders all over the state will be dropping to their knees Sunday praying for one stinking win. And, if God forbid, they come up short yet again, they can least give thanks that many of them weren't forced to watch it.

Like...
Are Buddy boys' Jets for real?
Here's why we're asking: Because after watching 'em whack Tom Terrific's Patsies around Giants Stadium last week, the J-E-T-S Jets, Jets, Jets are almost deserving of a Stadium that bears their own name. A desperate Titans' squad will be throwing hay-makers when it shows up at the home of the Giants to play the Jets Sunday. If the Jets win this brawl, they get to call it Jiants Stadium for a week.

Like...
Will Jerry's 'Boys make the most of their do-over against Carolina Monday night?
Here's why we're asking: Because after dropping enough money to take the Michigan unemployment rate down by about 10 percent, the Cowboy owner stuck his rootin'-tootin' finger in his nose and looked on Sunday night as the hated Giants crashed his celebration for himself. Oh, yeah, and his team also lost the first game ever in their new palace. Jerry gets another chance for a Texas-size pat on the back Monday night when his pards take on the struggling Panthers. Note to Jerry: Bring Kleenex this time.

But enough with the questions.
Here's what else is on the Football Friday Menu in the Grill Room:

Take your pick
For informational purposes only...some picks for Week 3 action around the NFL brought to you by folks who most likely know as much about the game as you do:

ESPN
YAHOO!
CBS Sports
CNN/SI
NBC
SportingNews

College:
SportingNews
CBS Sports
NBC

This Week's Grill Room NFL 100-PROOF lock: Philadelphia over Kansas City minus-9.5
Who says anger isn't a great motivator? Well, we're angry as hell in the Grill Room and we're not going to take anymore.

We are completely fried about steering you toward the slop that passes for a football team in Washington last week. The No. 20 Deadskins crawled to nine frickin' points against the visiting No. 29 Rams. Nine! Congress gets more done than Jim Zorn's offense for crying out loud!

So we're sorry about that one, folks. And angry -- but not as angry as the No. 9 Eagles will be when they take the field at the Stink Sunday against No. 27 Kansas City.

The Iggles once-proud defense was absolutely shredded by The Saints "Most Offensive Show on Earth" last week, giving up 48 points! To put that in perspective, consider that you have to go all the way back to 1962, or before the owner of the Grill Room even had his first drink, for a poorer effort. And at least that squad gave up 49 to Vince Lombardi's vaunted Packers that day.

Lombardi's Packers-Sean Peyton's Saints equals Jumbo-shrimp.

It was that bad against the Saints...So it's a pretty good bet Kansas City is going to run into an angry flock of Eagles this week -- Donovan McNabb or no Donovan McNabb.
Sidebar: Michael Vick is expected to make his debut Sunday. Look for him in loads of cleanup action after the birds use anger as a tool to wallop the Chiefs.
Lay the points.

(Season record: 1-1)

Tape it up
Beware the injury, and there are plenty of 'em around the NFL as you'll see here.

The No. 1 Giants suffered a significant blow when they learned starting safety Kenny Phillips is done for the year with a knee injury. Phillips, an emerging star, picked off Tony Romo twice in the Giants' 33-31 victory over the 'Boys Sunday night.

TV Time
If you can't stop by the Grill Room, here's the college and pro football fare that's cooking on the tube this weekend:
(For our U.S. military viewers and their families overseas the games American Forces Network will be showing are in bold.)

COLLEGE:

Friday, Sept. 25
Missouri at Nevada, 9 p.m., ESPN

Saturday, Sept. 26
Michigan State at Wisconsin, Noon, ESPN
LSU at Mississippi State, SEC Network
Indiana at Michigan, Noon, ESPN2
Minnesota at Northwestern, Noon, Big Ten Network
Southern Miss at Kansas, Noon, FSN
South Florida at Florida State, Noon, ESPNU
Cornell at Yale, Noon, Versus
North Carolina at Georgia Tech, Noon, Raycom
San Diego State at Air Force, 2 p.m., Mtn.
Miami at Virginia Tech, 3:30 p.m., ABC
California at Oregon, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Illinois at Ohio State, 3:30 p.m., ABC
Arkansas at Alabama, 3:30 p.m., CBS
UTEP at Texas, 3:30 p.m., FSN
Pittsburgh at North Carolina State, 3:30 p.m., ESPNU
Western Kentucky at Navy, 3:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Florida at Kentucky, 6 p.m., ESPN2
Colorado State at BYU, 6 p.m., Mtn.
Arizona State at Georgia, 7 p.m., ESPNU
Arizona at Oregon State, 7:30 p.m., Versus
Louisville at Utah, 7:30 p.m., CBS CSN
Iowa at Penn State, 8 p.m., ABC
Notre Dame at Purdue, 8 p.m., ESPN
Texas Tech at Houston, 9:15 p.m., ESPN2
New Mexico State at New Mexico, 10 p.m., Mtn.
Washington State at USC, 10:15 p.m. FSN

NFL:

Sunday, Sept. 27
Cleveland at Baltimore 1 p.m., CBS
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati 1 p.m., CBS
Washington at Detroit 1 p.m., FOX
Jacksonville at Houston 1 p.m., CBS
San Francisco at Minnesota 1 p.m., FOX
Atlanta at New England 1 p.m., FOX
Kansas City at Philadelphia 1 p.m., CBS
Green Bay at St. Louis 1 p.m., FOX
N.Y. Giants at Tampa Bay 1 p.m., FOX
Tennessee at N.Y. Jets 1 p.m., CBS
New Orleans at Buffalo 4:05 p.m., FOX
Chicago at Seattle 4:05 p.m., FOX
Denver at Oakland 4:15 p.m., CBS (jip)
Miami at San Diego 4:15 p.m., CBS
Indianapolis at Arizona 8:20 p.m., NBC

Monday, Sept. 28
Carolina at Dallas 8:30 p.m., ESPN
(All times EST)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Sports News? How Tweet it is...

I know, I know, you're busy. All I am asking for is a couple minutes of your precious time. Gotta get something off my chest. Cool?

So I turned on my computer this morning, checked my email, saw one from the gods at World Sports Blogs encouraging me to join Twitter, minimized that message, grumbled at all the spam, ignored (again) some dude named Norton Update, saw a message from Facebook, went there to find 'a friend' ragging me to join Twitter, saw 17 other 'friends,' telling their 13,000 friends what they were feeling at that very moment (most of them were feeling overwhelmed, by the way -- sorry, btw), was directed to YouTube and a must-see video of a rhinoceros passing gas in an unsuspecting chimpanzee's face, laughed, came back to my email account, re-read the message from WSB that I never finished, grudgingly clicked off a pop-up of a bikini-clad babe asking for a date, saw WSB was also asking me to become a fan of their new Facebook page, went back to Facebook, became a fan, watched the rhino again, laughed, checked my homepage, saw that another 8 friends were now complaining about being overwhelmed, went back to my email account, and finished reading the WSB message that ended by saying something about keeping up the good work.

Frankly, I'm having a lot of trouble getting on board with all this blasted technology. Give me those simpler days, when newspapers were king and the only browser we clicked into was our imagination.

Think of it: All this whiz-bang crap has ruined the newspaper business, cheapening the written word, made Matt Drudge a star, allowed for boatloads of unsubstantiated crap to pass as news, allowed for any yahoo (sorry, Yahoo!) to pass as a journalist (I heard that), turned our kids into a bunch of double-chinned, Oreo-eating lards, whose idea of play is riding a joystick, relegated the average attention span of an adult to something less than a house cat, and made the geeks you ignored in high school rich beyond even their wildest dreams.

And this is a good thing, right?

What's that? How is this related to sports? Well, for one thing, it has ruined being a sports fan, and writer forever, that's how, Skippy. Real deep-thinker you are.
If I can disturb your lack of attention for two more minutes I'll explain.

Crap, hang on, just got a text...
Gotta get my NFL fantasy picks in pronto.

Sorry, better check to see if all my guys are playing Sunday.
What?! The Cowboys might sit Barber?!
Give me a sec, let me check NFL.com to see what sleeper backs are available for my team this week...
Hang on...checking...
Go away, bikini babe...

OK, back. Sorry. Get this, though, the fantasy expert there is recommending this Saints' back named Lynell Hamilton. I never heard of him either, but what the heck, I'll give him a go.

Where were we?
Oh yeah...enlightening you as to why the Internet has ruined being a sports fan and writer forever.

It used to be you got the majority of your sports news, in a neat, 24-hour cycle from the newspaper. That beautiful thing used to show up with the sun each day on your doorstep just like magic. I used to pour a bowl of cereal, roll the rubber band off that baby, and get my daily dose of all the sports news I needed to know before going off to school.

Yeah, life was good. Why I'd...
Hang on, just got a flash update from CBSSports...

Whoa! After only two weeks, NFL quarterbacks have accounted for 13 300-yard games through the air. The NFL is becoming a pass-happy league. What's more even QBs named Kevin Kolb are chucking it all over the yard.
Hmmm...that gives me an idea...Just one more sec, please. Better change my fantasy QB.

OK, back. Where were we?

Right, the newspaper.
Man, the newspaper had it all -- in-depth features on your favorite players and coaches, recaps of the previous night's games, great photos...and the agate page -- ahhh, the agate page, all the statistics a sports fan could want and more.

Used to be...
Er, sorry, just got an IM from my irritating cousin in Topeka. She wants me to check my e-mail.

Checking...

Now why would she think at this very moment I am interested in seeing pictures of her snotty, double-chinned kids feeding animals at the zoo?! She knows I'm working.

I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed here...Better go quickly post that on Facebook.
OK, back.

Ha! Wait a minute, I know how to fix good ol' cuz.
...where's that YouTube video of that rhino...ha-ha!...
There you go, girl! Take that! Wish that had happened to your stupid kids! Hahaha! Got her good...

OK, where were we...

Oh yeah, the agate page. Yeah, that was really cool. Standings, box scores, the Tank McNamara cartoon...

Crap! Hang on, hang on...

Get this, just a got a stupid message from the newspaper warning that my subscription is overdue. Those jokers threatened to cancel delivery if I didn't pay up immediately.

What?! They don't think I can live without 'em?
Go ahead cancel me, I dare ya!

Now where were we...?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Some Giant Thanks and Steel resolve

We're fully expecting a rowdy crowd around the Grill Room this week because we've put the 1-1 Steelers in the No. 2 position in the NFL 100-proof rankings.

But before you start any trouble and get bounced from the joint, shut up and listen:
First, we don't genuflect to upstart squads like so many of the knuckleheads that put together their weekly rankings.
Yeah, the Jets are a surprising 2-0, but with a rookie QB at the helm, and a coach whose mouth attracts flies and more and more enemies each week, it is hard to see them beating any of the teams ranked above them if matched in, say, Omaha or something.

And that last part's key, pally. Our bartenders base their rankings on what a team would do when matched up against any other team that Sunday on a neutral field.

So, big shot, how much would you bet right now against the Steelers if they took on any of the other teams below them on that Omaha field? Come on, how much? Think Baltimore'd take 'em? Do you really have that much confidence yet in the Saints? How 'bout the Colts? The Jets...?!

Yeah, thought so. Not talking so big now, are ya?

Look, somebody's gotta make the tough calls and rein in all the insanity among the so-called NFL prognosticators out there. It ain't easy being us.

But, hey, fagedaboudit, we're all friends here, right?

Prost!

THE STRONG STUFF

1 (3) N.Y. Giants (98 proof, 2-0) The Giants' version of "Shock and awwwwwww..." did more to restore our faith in America than Obama after Eli's aerial bombardment of Jerry's Evil Empire on national TV.
2 (1) Pittsburgh (95 proof, 1-1) Once more: Yes, they have a loss; yes, many other teams don't; no, none of them beat Pittsburgh on a neutral field.
3 (13) Baltimore (94 proof, 2-0) OK, we're sold.
4 (11) New Orleans (93 proof, 2-0) Still wonder how "The Most Offensive Show on Earth" plays when football weather comes blowing in, but walloping Philadelphia, 48-22, at The Stink any time of year is mighty strong.