Fixing the LPGA in Plain English

We interrupt the loud buzz accompanying the NFL, BCS, MLB, NBA, NHL and PGA to bring you the following message on behalf of the, gulp, LPGA:
H-E-L-P!

Quit snickering.

The Ladies Professional Golf Association is at a dangerous crossroads.
Sadly, this wouldn't be the first time this tour with no sense of itself, sat idling off the sports radar screen while trying to decide how it can become more than just some blip.

You do have to wonder, though, how many times they can arrive at this same, old, tired destination before the dented business model that has been driving their product, just up and quits for good.

Make no mistake about it, these are desperate times for the ladies, and we're not talking about housewives here. And if times like these call for desperate measures, we're ready to suggest some help. But before answering desperation's call, consider a few of the major issues the tour is facing right now:

• It seems like every minute, the LPGA is losing money and sponsors at a time we are suffering through some of the toughest economic times in the past 100 years. Encouraging investment in a product that has traditionally offered minimal returns will be no easy sell.
  
• Currently, the tour is rudderless, 'operating' without a commissioner. Sadly, some of the biggest noise the LPGA made this year was when a group of its better-known unknown players organized a coup that led to the resignation of then-commissioner Carolyn Bivens. Worse, all this was done on the eve of the tour's marquee event, the U.S. Open. That would be the definition of a public-relations nightmare
  
• The tour is an afterthought on network TV. Yes, it does a have a 10-year contract with the Golf Channel, which was probably some of the best work Bivens did, but this will do little to establish a more sweeping brand.
  
• The tour seems to be constantly at odds with itself about how far it should go in playing the sex-appeal card. Like it or not, some of its more recognized players have the legs to match their good-lookin' games. And like it or not, many people are tuning in to watch just because of that. Yet the LPGA players as a group can't seem to make up their minds about whether this is a good thing. Hint: It's a good thing.
  
• Then there is the Korean issue, and we're not talking nukes. For better or worse, the South Korean players have made a tremendous impact on the game. But for worse, they have driven away fans and viewers in droves. Fans complain mostly that the South Korean's nondescript manner on and off the course is, for lack of a better word, boring. This would be a case where winning isn't everything, and these talented Korean players certainly do more than their fair share of that.
  

So what to do?
Get the biggest, roundest table you can find. Gather 'round that big table the most diverse group of top business and marketing experts in the world you can find. Throw in some LPGA notables, past and present, invite Tim Finchem the successful PGA commissioner, and finally, send invites to representatives from companies that sell products across every demographic you can think of -- from perfume to beer; from nachos to brie; from skirts to ties.

Then throw every single topic you can think of on top of that big, round table -- including, and maybe even mostly, the sensitive Korean issue -- and start sorting through all of them with one goal: Identifying what you are going to sell.

For the past 25 years or so, better known as the post-Nancy Lopez years (See? You remember her don't you?!), it seems like the LPGA has been trying to sell this...then that... then the other thing... and they were getting very few buyers for any of it.

Most perplexing, when they stumbled on something that would sell, they closed the shop.
Maybe the best example of this is when Annika Sorenstam and then Michelle Wie were occasionally teeing it up with the men. Some saw this as a good idea, some saw it as a bad one. No matter how you saw it, though, there was no denying it was good for business, and helped grow the LPGA brand. But the tour discouraged this.

Why in the world would the LPGA be reticent to see any of its members soaking up some of the PGA Tour's brilliant spotlight?

Be bold.
If there are attractive women out there who are able to hit a drive 275 yards dead down the middle, embrace it, don't begrudge it. Sex sells, and it has been selling in every single professional men's sport for decades.

Lopez is one of the four or five greatest women's players of all time. But when you think about her it's more than all that winning she did that you remember her for. No, you remember that she did all that winning while flashing her trademark million-watt smile. And that's a bad thing?

Isn't Arnold Palmer remembered for the very same thing? When Arnie burst on the scene, hitched up those trousers and stalked the course, it wasn't just golf he was selling -- or what the ladies were buying...

Identify your stars and sell 'em. Well after Palmer had stopped all his winning, he was still the best thing the tour had to offer. Arnie wasn't golf's greatest winner, but to this day, he is still known as The King.

Which leads us to the delicate South Korea issue.

Quit treating it delicately. It is a real issue, and it isn't going away.
One of Bivens' greatest undoings was her ill-fated attempt to suspend foreign-born players (i.e. the South Koreans) who could not converse in English. Even is she was a bit hasty (OK a lot hasty) about breaking out the stick ahead of the carrot, she was on to something.

Bivens' contention was that if a player could not speak any English, they were less attractive to those all-important pro-ams that boost stature and raise money for the tour. And if players were unable to promote what sponsors were selling, they were going to bolt to sports with players that could.

Of course, it also doesn't help that these players do rotten interviews. If the public can't get to know the players, identify with them, and get some idea of what makes them tick, they might as well be putting visors on swing machines and wheeling 'em around the course.

At least 75 percent of golf is played between the ears, so if you can't tell us what you were thinking about before stiffing that 5-iron from a 175 yards into a right-to-left wind on No. 18, you've been of no help at all.

Address this issue and address it honestly already.

Finally, go down the road less traveled this time when hiring a commissioner, because if you go down that same, old tired path you've been traveling yet again, you'll be lucky if all you hit is a crossroad.